Ever seen the American Film Institute’s list of movie quotes? Let me sum up: of the hundred, about 25 are Casablanca and Gone with the Wind. Most of the rest are from the other golden oldies that are revered by the writers of film studies textbooks; they may be well-made, but they’re also very much a reminder of how discriminatory Hollywood was in terms of race, gender, and sexual orientation. Though I give big ups for including Jaws, Psycho, and The Sixth Sense, the AFI’s selections just don’t speak to me, and if you’re on this site, perhaps they don’t speak to you, either. Though many of the movies I quote from aren’t horror, they are all delightful (the quotes, not necessarily the movies). After trying and failing to narrow down my own list to a slim ten squared, here is part twenty. In no particular order:
25.) Shirley Jackson (Elisabeth Moss): “A clean house is evidence of mental inferiority.” (Shirley, 2020)
24.) Naomi (Maya Rudolph), regarding a vacation away from her four kids: “Mama needs to rock out with her cock out. Also, Mama needs to stop referring to herself in the third person.” (Wine Country, 2019)
23.) Rosa (Zoe Saldana), after her daughter inherits a mound of musical instruments from her late great-great-uncle: “Oh, thank you, Montoya. You gave my kid an accordion.” (Vivo, 2021)
22.) Emily (Octavia Spencer), after Lydia (Melissa McCarthy) has received a serum that makes her extremely strong: “I’m estimating that you’ll be able to lift 20,000 pounds. Roughly the weight of a city bus.” Lydia: “Oh my God, I’m gonna throw the shit out of a city bus.” Emily [whose teenage daughter is standing by]: “Language.” Lydia: “I’m gonna throw the pee crap out of a city bus.” (Thunder Force, 2021)
21.) Inspirational voice on CD (Maya Rudolph): “Stand atop the mountain of your success and look down at everyone who’s ever doubted you. Fuck those losers. Fuck them in their stupid fucking faces.” (Booksmart, 2019)
20.) Sara (Salma Hayek), regarding her brother Maximo’s (Eugenio Derbez) pronunciation of her son’s name (hoo-go, when it should be pronounced oo-go): “Don’t call him ‘jugo’! His name is Hugo!” Maximo: “Same thing!” Sara: “He’s not a juice!” (How to Be a Latin Lover, 2017)
19.) The Horde (James McAvoy), to a row of captive cheerleaders: “Look at you all. My name is Patricia. Now, who would like a P.B. and J. sandwich? You do.” (Glass, 2019)
18.) [Audrey (Mila Kunis) is unexpectedly the caretaker for a flash drive full of spy stuff thanks to her ex-boyfriend]: “We have to get it to a cafe in Vienna.” Morgan (Kate McKinnon): “Austria, Vienna? Okay. Well, why don’t we do that then?” Audrey: “Do what? Go to Europe when a bunch of people are trying to kill us?” Morgan: “Do you wanna die never having been to Europe? Or do you wanna go to Europe and die having been to Europe?” Audrey: “Why are those my only two options?” (The Spy Who Dumped Me, 2018)
17.) Mirabel (Stephanie Beatriz), reprising a musical number she sang earlier, while climbing an enchanted flight of stairs and becoming steadily more exhausted: “Welcome to the Family Madrigal…there’s so many stairs in the Casa Madrigal…you think there would be another way to get so high ’cause we’re magic, but no…magical, how many stairs fit in here!” (Encanto, 2021)
16.) [Gerry (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) is a reporter investigating a story about a teen supposedly able to perform miraculous feats]: “Where are you going?” Nervous Man Leaving Town (Charlie Thurston): “Anywhere but here.” Gerry: “Aren’t you happy about the miracles?” NMLT: “No, sir, I am not. I like when God stays where he belongs. Up there. When he comes down here, bad things happen. Floods, plagues of locusts. The Old Testament God is wrathful. What if something pisses him off?” (The Unholy, 2021)
15.) Levee (Chadwick Boseman): “Life ain’t shit. You can put it in a paper bag and carry it around with you. It ain’t got no balls. Now death? Death got some style. Death will kick your ass and make you wish you never been born. That’s how bad death is. But you can rule over life. Life ain’t nothing.” (Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom, 2020)
14.) [A family is trapped in a bathroom during what begins as a tornado but may be something much worse, and they have killed a snake] Robert (Pat Healy): “Should we have eaten it?” Melissa (Sierra McCormick): “Gross, no!” Bobby (John James Cronin): “Snakes with extra cheese! Cheese with extra snakes!” Diane (Vinessa Shaw): “I don’t know how to eat a snake, do you?” Robert: “Yeah, you just pick it up and bite the head off like Ozzy.” Diane: “Wasn’t that a bat?” Robert: “Snakes are just bats that can’t fly!” (We Need to Do Something, 2021)
13.) Stan (Bradley Cooper), discussing working in a circus with Clem (Willem Dafoe): “How do you ever get a guy to geek?” Clem: “Oh, I ain’t gonna crap you up. It ain’t easy. You gotta pick up a broken drunk. A real alkie, a two-bottle-a-day fool, see?” Stan: “Pick him up from where?” Clem: “Nightmare alleys, train tracks, flophouses, you name it. Lot of folks came back from the war addicted to the poppy, to booze. Now, opium really sinks its claws, but you reel ’em in with booze. You tell ’em, ‘I got a little job for you. It’s a temporary job.’ Make sure you emphasize that. ‘Just temporary, until we get ourselves another geek.’ You spike it with that opium tincture. One drop per bottle, that’s all. But oh, oh, now, this is what he thinks is heaven. So you say to him, like this, you say to him, ‘Well, I gotta get me a real geek.’ He says, ‘Ain’t I doing okay?’ You say, ‘Like crap you’re doing okay. You can’t draw a real crowd faking a geek. You’re through.’ And you walk off. Now, that night, you drag out the lecture, you lay it on thick. All the while you’re talking, he’s thinking about sobering up, getting the crawling shakes, the screaming, the terrors. You give him time to think that over while you’re talking. Then, you throw him the chicken. He’ll geek.” (Nightmare Alley, 2021)
12.) Commissioner Blades (Harry Lennix): “So, what is this, Chief?” Chief Riptide (Tony Fitzpatrick): “At approximately 15:00 hours 75 women took possession of the armory. They had hostages, they released them.” Blades: “Women did this?” Riptide: “Black and Brown women.” Blades: “Black and Brown women?” Riptide: “Just Black and Brown women.” Blades: “How many dead?” Riptide: “Zero.” Blades: “Just wounded?” Riptide: “Nada.” Blades: “They were packing big muscle, huh?” Riptide: “No, sir, they appear to be unarmed.” Blades: “How many?” Riptide: “Approximately 75, sir.” Blades: “Are you telling me that 75 Black and Brown women took a United States Military Armory, unarmed?” Riptide: “Yes, sir.” (Chi-Raq, 2015)
11.) Charlie (Brendan Fraser): “You think Alan died because he chose to be with me? You think God turned His back on him because he and I were in love?” Thomas (Ty Simpkins): “Yes.” Charlie: “You know something? I wasn’t always this big.” Thomas: “Yeah, I know.” Charlie: “I mean, I wasn’t the best-looking guy in the room, but Alan loved me. He thought I was beautiful.” Thomas: “Okay.” Charlie: “Halfway through the semester, he started meeting me during my office hours. And we were…we were crazy about one another. But we waited until the class was over before–” Thomas: “This isn’t, uh…” Charlie: “It was just after classes had ended for the year. It was perfect temperature outside. We took a walk in the arboretum, and we kissed.” Thomas: “Charlie, stop.” Charlie: “We would spend entire nights lying together, naked. We would make love. We would make love.” (The Whale, 2022)
10.) Flint, Michigan, resident Fatima Strong, regarding how she has to brush her teeth with bottled water because the tap water in Flint has dangerous amounts of lead: “That’s how I brushed my teeth in Iraq. I took bottled water showers in Iraq. So, I compare how I live now to how I lived in Iraq as far as when it comes to water. I had more water supply in Iraq than I do now.” (Fahrenheit 11/9, 2018)
9.) Jean (Selma Blair), a serial killer addressing police officer Eddie (Stellan Skarsgård) and his sort-of-boyfriend Daniel (Ashley Walters), whom she’s holding hostage in order to make one kill the other in a complex revenge scheme: “He doesn’t love you, Eddie. If this was his choice, you’d be long dead by now. Flick the switch. It’s what we all do. There is no love.” Daniel: “Sorry, man. So fucking sorry.” Eddie: “Kill me.” Daniel: “Eddie.” Jean: “You want me to kill you?” Eddie: “I don’t care if he loves me. Let him go. [To Daniel] In my life, you’re the only thing I don’t regret.” (w delta z, AKA The Killing Gene, 2007)
8.) Carla (Stephanie Beatriz): “Mi amor, calmate, huh? What would Jesus do?” Daniela (Daphne Rubin-Vega): “Do I look like Jesus to you?” Carla: “I mean, sometimes when I squint.” (In the Heights, 2021)
7.) [Kim (Riley Keough) and Will (Christopher Abbott) are in the midst of a pandemic that has killed most people and depleted their food supply, but they haven’t lost that lovin’ feeling] Kim: “Maybe you could get in the bath?” Will: “Do I smell?” Kim: “No.” Will: “Those subtle hints you drop, Jesus Christ almighty. You don’t smell great yourself. You smell like onion soup. Like French onion soup.” Kim: “Aw, that sounds so good!” Will: “You look pretty.” Kim: “I feel like you just say that when I look the ugliest.” Will: “That’s when you need it the most.” (It Comes at Night, 2017)
6.) Detective Moss (Michole Briana White), looking at an artist’s rendering of her suspect, a conjoined twin/tumor growth thing: “So I’m putting out a BOLO on Sloth from The Goonies?” (Malignant, 2021)
5.) Orlock (Richard Brake), to his date: “Do you like rats?” Lily (Sheri Moon Zombie): “Of course, who doesn’t?” Orlock: “Oh, good good good good good! I have pictures of my fuzzy little nuggets!” Lily: “Oh. Somehow I’m not surprised.” [Thumbing through photographs] Orlock: “Hmm. Oh! This is Eric. He’s a naughty boy.” Lily: “Oh, he’s a cute little fella.” Orlock: “Oh! This is Steve. He’s a real cutup. Watch out for his hijinks!” Lily: [Getting steadily more bored] “Oh, yeah, he’s cute too.” Orlock: “Oh, this is Opie, but I call her Tubby. She likes to cuddle under my pillow.” Lily: “Uh-huh.” Orlock: “He likes to sit on my head…[Lily looks around the room in desperation, landing on a couple getting engaged] She likes to play hide and seek. She’s really big and fat. Roly-poly Jill. Pumpkin! Do you want to rub Pumpkin’s nose?” (The Munsters, 2022)
4.) [Kyle (Liam Hemsworth) has easily overtaken an intruder hiding in his closet]: “Give me your weapon.” Stranger (Jacob Zachar): “I don’t got one.” Kyle: “Someone that fights like you should have a weapon.” (Arkansas, 2020)
3.) Elizabeth (Rebecca Hall), to her partner Olive (Bella Heathcote): “Hi. [Olive kisses her] Sweetie, I’m late.” Olive: “I don’t care.” Elizabeth: “No, I’m late. I have to go. [Cut to Elizabeth on the phone] I’m just calling, because, uh, I woke up this morning, and I–I felt, um, terrible. I don’t think I’m gonna make it.” [Gets off the phone and kisses Olive] (Professor Marston and the Wonder Women, 2017)
2.) Teresa (Janelle Monáe), to Chiron (Alex R. Hibbert), whom she has taken under her wing: “Stop putting your head down in my house! You know my rule. It’s all love and pride in this house! Do you feel me? [Chiron nods] I can’t hear you. Do you feel me?” Chiron, quietly: “Yeah.” Teresa: “Okay.” Chiron [firmly] “I feel you.” (Moonlight, 2016)
1.) Sook-hee (Kim Tae-ri), eyes on the floor: “I am at your service. Miss…[Sees Lady Hideko for the first time] [In voiceover] Bloody hell. He should’ve told me she was so pretty. I’m completely flummoxed.” (The Handmaiden, 2016)
Author’s note: I have extensively relied on IMDb for help, both with dates and with some of the quotes.
GhoulieJoe 