Ever seen the American Film Institute’s list of movie quotes? Let me sum up: of the hundred, about 25 are Casablanca and Gone with the Wind. Most of the rest are from the other golden oldies that are revered by the writers of film studies textbooks; they may be well-made, but they’re also very much a reminder of how discriminatory Hollywood was in terms of race, gender, and sexual orientation. Though I give big ups for including Jaws, Psycho, and The Sixth Sense, the AFI’s selections just don’t speak to me, and if you’re on this site, perhaps they don’t speak to you, either. Though many of the movies I quote from aren’t horror, they are all delightful (the quotes, not necessarily the movies). After trying and failing to narrow down my own list to a slim ten squared, here is part twenty-one. (And no, I had no idea how many of these I would write when I started in with the Roman numerals–I keep watching movies!) In no particular order:
25.) Father Walther (Bob Stephenson), a high school football coach trying to fill in for the drama teacher: “Okay, guys. Now, look. Role one, right? You’re gonna run, kind of, a skinny post right up front. I want you to look straight at the audience, okay. Don’t be looking around and blabbing at anybody if they walk by ya. Eight, nine, ten. You’re coming in hard, right here. Cause these guys are gonna love it. Don’t talk amongst yourselves. Now, coming in slow, we’re singing. This is singing. Wide lines are singing. We’re singing. We’re singing. Danny’s not singing yet. He’s all alone. Singing. Eight, nine, ten–you come in hot! You come in hot!” (Lady Bird, 2017)
24.) Taneesha (Anika Noni Rose): “You killed my son.” Officer Penda (David Warshofsky): “Who the fuck are you?” Taneesha: “DeMarco.” Penda: “What?” Taneesha: “You remember him? Cause he remembers you.” (Body Cam, 2020)
23.) Lily: (Odessa Young), addressing the contradictory ways women and girls are expected to behave in: “From the moment I arrived, all I was ever given was orders. Smile. Open up. Cross your legs. Spread your pussy. Speak softer. Scream louder. Be quiet. Be confident. Be interesting. Don’t be so difficult. Be strong. Don’t fight back. Be an angel. Be a whore. Be a princess.” (Assassination Nation, 2018)
22.) Cash (LaKeith Stanfield): “Baby, what are you asking me to do? Are you asking me to quit the fattest job I’ve ever had?” Detroit (Tessa Thompson): “But Cash, it is not fat. It is morally emaciated. You sell fucking slave labor, Cassius!” Cash: “What the fuck isn’t slave labor?” Detroit: “Oh my God! Sidestepping! You sidestep more than the fucking Temptations!” (Sorry to Bother You, 2018)
21.) [Hutch (Bob Odenkirk) is searching a tattoo parlor for a specific client and isn’t shy about promising a financial reward for information, which gets him mocked by the owner]: “There are three types of people who, as you say, flash cheese: people who don’t know any better, people who are seeking to intimidate, and people like me who wish with every fiber of their being that someone would try and take it from them.” (Nobody, 2021)
20.) Zak (Jack Lowden) [having already asked several questions] “Rock, Rock, Rock!” Dwayne Johnson: “Yes, Zak.” Zak: “What advice would you give us? If…If we wanna…” Saraya (Florence Pugh): “Win over the crowd.” Zak: “Win over the crowd. If we wanna…If we wanna be the next you.” Dwayne Johnson: “What are your names again?” Zak: “My name is–” Dwayne Johnson: “It doesn’t matter what your names are. You walk around here interrupting The Rock. You [to Saraya], like you haven’t seen the sun in 20 years. You [to Zak], like you just stepped out of Oliver Twist. [Fake British accent] Please, sir, may I have some more advice, sir? You want some advice? Here’s The Rock’s advice. Shut your mouth! What you want? What you want? How about what The Rock wants? The Rock wants you to go out there, take no prisoners, have no regrets, have no fear. Lay it all out on the line. Because if you don’t do that, The Rock is gonna find your friend Mary Poppins. He’s gonna take her umbrella. Yeah, he’s gonna shine it up real nice. He’s gonna turn that sumbitch sideways and stick it straight up your candy asses! There’s your advice! Straight out of the Jabroni-beating, pie-eating, trailblazing, eyebrow-raising, entertaining the globe, never hotter, talking to two rejects from Harry Potter! [Cheerfully] So that’s how you win over the crowd.” Zak: “Yeah.” Dwayne Johnson: “Even though this crazy wrestling world is a fictionalized world, the fans know 1,000% if you’re not being real. All right? That guy just now, that was The Rock. The Rock is me, Dwayne Johnson, just with the volume turned way up. The treble adjusted, the bass. Same guy. So don’t worry about being the next me. Be the first you.” (Fighting with my Family, 2019)
19.) [Callie has just found out Will’s (Danielle Macdonald) mother is a former pageant miss and has mentioned coming over to pick her brain] “Well, unfortunately, my mom’s not home all that much. She’s either at pageant meetings or at the nursing home wiping old peoples’ butts. It’s what happens to a lot of ex-beauty queens.” (Dumplin’, 2018)
18.) Max (Meagan Good): “Who’s your best friend?” Amy (Sara Foster): “You are my best friend.” Max: And what did I say to you the very first day at the academy?” Amy: ” ‘That’s my bunk, bitch.’ ” Max: “After that.” (D.E.B.S., 2004)
17.) Tim (Domhnall Gleason): “So, what do you do?” Mary (Rachel McAdams): “I’m a reader, at a publisher.” Tim: “No! You read for a living?” Mary: “Yes, that’s it. I read.” Tim: “Oh, that’s so great. It’s like someone asking, ‘What do you do for a living?’ ‘Well, I breathe. I’m a breather, I get paid for breathing.’ How did you get that job?” Mary: “Okay, smart-ass, what do you do?” Tim: “I am a lawyer. Sort of. Sort of.” Mary: “That’s sexy.” Tim: “Is it?” Mary: “I mean, I think so. In a suit, in a court, saving peoples’ lives. Kinda sexy.” Tim: “I guess it is. Although it’s not as sexy as reading. Sitting there in an office, in a little chair reading.” Mary: “Okay, okay, stop, stop.” Tim: “Ooh!” Mary: “Just wait right there, mister, because a lot of books get submitted to my publisher. So it’s an immense responsibility.” Tim: “I bet it is. But when you do normal reading, is it ruined because it’s your job? You know, like prostitutes? I always worry that when they stop being prostitutes that they can’t enjoy sex anymore.” Mary: “You always worry about that?” Tim: “No, no. I sometimes worry about it.” Mary: “Oh, good. Okay, because someone who always worried about that would be a bit of a worry.” Tim: “When you read a newspaper, do you think, ‘Forget this, it’s work?’ ” Mary: “Have you interviewed a lot of prostitutes?” Tim: “When you read a menu, do you think, ‘No, I’m not reading this unless you pay me hard cash?’ ” Mary: “How many prostitutes will you need to talk to before this issue is resolved?” (About Time, 2013)
16.) Abby (Hyein Park), losing her mind after finding out her friend can transform into a large red panda: “You’re so fluffy! You’re so fluffy!” (Turning Red, 2022)
15.) Liz (Lily Collins), confronting former boyfriend Ted Bundy (Zac Efron) with a picture of his decapitated murder victim: “It took me over a decade to look at this photo. What happened to her head?” Bundy: “If she was deposited in the woods, then animals could’ve conceivably done something like–” Liz: “Animals don’t do that.” (Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile, 2019)
14.) Eva (Jennifer Beals), to the mad scientist who assembled her from corpses: “You can do what you like! You can take apart the body you put together, you can take away the life you gave me, but you cannot have me. Not ever. Not even if you murder me and raise me up a thousand thousand times, you cannot have me.” (The Bride, 1985)
13.) Rhodora, an art gallery owner (Rene Russo): “We don’t sell durable goods, we peddle perception. Thin as a bubble.” (Velvet Buzzsaw, 2019)
12.) Dougy (Bill Nunn): “Couldn’t we lay the soul to rest if we decomposed the body with holy water, then cut out the heart while it’s still beating and bury it beneath hallowed ground?” K (Kadeem Hardison): “That’s, that’s some freaky shit! We ain’t gotta do all of that, man. Do we have to do all that?” (Def by Temptation, 1990)
11.) [Being shot at] Audrey (Jennifer Aniston): “Jesus! Oh my God! It’s just like Death at the Library!” Nick (Adam Sandler): “What happens in Death at a Library?” Audrey: “They died. That’s why it’s called Death at the Library.” (Murder Mystery, 2019)
10.) Buster (Tim Blake Nelson), responding to the bartender who tells him that liquor is for outlaws only: “Well, don’t let my white duds and pleasant demeanor fool ya. I too have been known to violate the statutes of man, and not a few of the laws of the Almighty.” (The Ballad of Buster Scruggs, 2018)
9.) Pinocchio (Gregory Mann), singing about how delightful inanimate objects are now that he’s sentient: “What do you call it, call it?” Gepetto (David Bradley): “A chamber pot.” Pinocchio: “What to do with it, with it?” Gepetto: “Well, you put it, um…” Pinocchio: “On my head?” Gepetto: “No, under the bed!” (Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio, 2022) *note: the version of this song on Spotify, which is what I quoted, varies from this clip from the movie*
Runner-up quote: Pinocchio: “Look! I’m on fire! Yay!”
8.) Polly (Jill Wagner), to the victim of an agonizing, flesh-mutating virus: “It’s okay. It’s okay. We’re cutting your arm off.” (Splinter, 2008)
7.) Joe (Jamie Foxx), trying to convince 22 (Tina Fey) to find a career to be excited about: “How about a librarian? They’re cool.” 22: “Yes, amazing. Who wouldn’t like working at a thankless job you’re always in danger of losing due to budget cuts? Though I do like the idea of randomly shushing people.” Joe: “Look, obviously this–” 22: “Shh! Oh, yeah, that’s good.” (Soul, 2020)
6.) McKayla (Alexandra Shipp), after a character’s foot gets caught in a chain and she is lowered headfirst into a saw: “That is some serious Final Destination shit.” (Tragedy Girls, 2017)
5.) Wolf (Sam Rockwell): “Seriously, though, you don’t like cake? Name one food better than cake.” Snake (Marc Maron): “Guinea pig.” Wolf: “Oh, again with the guinea pig.” (The Bad Guys, 2022)
4.) Darby (Michael Stuhlbarg), a hermit whom everyone greets with “Thought you was dead”, to a character pulling a scam that involves faking his own death: “Thought you was dead.” (Cut Bank, 2014)
3.) Blanc (Daniel Craig), to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Angela Lansbury, Stephen Sondheim, and Natasha Lyonne, whom he’s been playing Among Us with online, in his bathtub: “Look, I appreciate what ya’ll are trying to do for me here.” Abdul-Jabbar: “We’re worried about you, buddy. Lockdown hasn’t been easy for any of us. But Phillip told me you haven’t left the bath for a week.” Blanc: “Oh, that’s hyperbole.” [Knock on front door] Blanc, to his husband: “Get that, would ya?” Phillip (Hugh Grant): “You’re not in the bath again, are you?” Blanc [hesitates] “No!” (Glass Onion, 2022)
2.) Clare (Ruth Negga): “Oh, I don’t expect you to understand. You’re happy. You have a true, good life, and you’re free. Free and safe. Safe. I don’t even know what that is anymore.” Irene (Tessa Thompson): “I’m beginning to believe that no one is ever completely happy, free, or safe.” (Passing, 2021)
1.) Sheriff Stokes (Graham Greene), discussing a demon on the loose that’s also an allegory for capitalism and destruction of the natural world: “It’s the wendigo. Translates to a diabolical wickedness that devours mankind. According to legend, during a brutally cold winter, a lost hunter’s severe hunger drove him to cannibalism. And after feasting on human flesh he became crazed and transformed into an amorphous spirit that could take many forms, and roamed the forest for fresh victims. His insatiable appetite was never satisfied.” Paul (Jesse Plemons) [chuckling]: “Excuse me. This is a myth you’re talking about.” Stokes: [Scoffs] “For you, yeah.” (Antlers, 2021)
Author’s note: I have extensively relied on IMDb for help, both with dates and with some of the quotes.
GhoulieJoe 