Mark (Jim Carrey) is a typical teenage boy who is dissatisfied by his long-time girlfriend Robin’s (Karen Kopins) refusal to have sex. While trolling for some strange with his buddies, he meets the mysterious Countess (Lauren Hutton). Unfortunately, Countess is a vampire who needs his virgin blood three times before Halloween or she loses herContinue reading “‘Once Bitten’: Racist, Homophobic, AND Corny AF”
Author Archives: GhoulieJoe
‘Misery’: Even with the Corny Sheriff, and the Hobbling Scene Already Spoiled for You, it’s Still Pretty Intense
Paul (James Caan) is a writer famous for his romance novels about a woman named Misery. After finishing his new non-Misery novel (having killed her in his newest published book), he crashes his car during a blizzard. He’s rescued by Annie (Kathy Bates), a former nurse who treats his multiple injuries in her home, claimingContinue reading “‘Misery’: Even with the Corny Sheriff, and the Hobbling Scene Already Spoiled for You, it’s Still Pretty Intense”
‘Mirrormask’: I Dislike the Fantasy Genre, but I’ll Make an Exception
Written by Neil Gaiman, with special effects by The Jim Henson Company, blending CGI with live action. Helena (Stephanie Leonidas) is a bratty teenage girl whose parents run a circus, which she hates (as she says, “I want to run away and join real life”). After her mother (Gina McKee) becomes sick (shortly following anContinue reading “‘Mirrormask’: I Dislike the Fantasy Genre, but I’ll Make an Exception”
Guillermo del Toro’s ‘Mimic’: Get Ready to Be Bugged!
Due to an epidemic affecting children that happens to be carried by cockroaches, New York entomologist Dr. Susan (Mira Sorvino) engineers a “Judas” beetle that will kill the nasties. In the process, the Judas beetle keeps mutating—so much so that it begins to “mimic its predator”—us. It’s up to Susan, her partner Dr. Peter (JeremyContinue reading “Guillermo del Toro’s ‘Mimic’: Get Ready to Be Bugged!”
‘The Midnight Meat Train’: Exquisite and Eerie (review)
Leon (Bradley Cooper) is a photographer looking to capture the brutal heart of New York City. He gets more than he bargained for when he comes across Mahogany (Vinnie Jones), a serial killer who hunts his victims on the late-night subway (as suggested by the title). Leon, intrigued by Mahogany, tracks him, and finds outContinue reading “‘The Midnight Meat Train’: Exquisite and Eerie (review)”
‘The Messengers’: Meh
Directed by Danny and Oxide Chun Pang. Jess (Kristen Stewart) is a teenage girl getting a fresh start on a South Dakota farm with her family: little brother Ben, mother Denise (Penelope Ann Miller), and father Roy (Dylan McDermott). She’s at odds with her parents for an incident of drunk driving, so when she beginsContinue reading “‘The Messengers’: Meh”
Lucky McKee’s ‘May’: A Savage Look at Unrealistic Beauty Standards
May (Angela Bettis) is an extremely lonely young woman looking for that perfect somebody. She mourns the fact that people have “pretty parts, but no pretty wholes.” She meets Adam (Jeremy Sisto), who is initially interested, but soon creeped out by her, particularly when she bites him. She then tries to make a relationship withContinue reading “Lucky McKee’s ‘May’: A Savage Look at Unrealistic Beauty Standards”
‘Maximum Overdrive’ is Really…Gosh, I Love Emilio Estevez
A rogue comet causes motor vehicles and random electronic items to become sentient and murderous. A group of survivors band together at a truck stop to hold the machines off. However, diesel trucks keep coming, with an endless thirst for gas. (For some reason, the gas pumps are layabouts, while the meat slicers are moreContinue reading “‘Maximum Overdrive’ is Really…Gosh, I Love Emilio Estevez”
‘The Masque of the Red Death’: Naughty, Campy, and Gory
One of Roger Corman’s numerous Edgar Allen Poe adaptations. Prince Prospero of the many funny hats (Vincent Price) is escaping the Red Death that’s ravaging his village by hiding in his castle. But first he kidnaps his subject Francesca (Jane Asher), as well as her husband Gino (David Weston) and father Ludovico (Nigel Green), inContinue reading “‘The Masque of the Red Death’: Naughty, Campy, and Gory”
‘House’ AKA ‘Hausu’ is Hilarious and Completely Unpredictable
*Sniff* This is a 2022 edit of my very, very first movie review. Not to be confused with the 1985 American movie of the same name; this is a Japanese movie from 1977. It revolves around seven schoolgirls (who sometimes dress similarly to Sailor Moon) off to spend their summer at a secluded house inContinue reading “‘House’ AKA ‘Hausu’ is Hilarious and Completely Unpredictable”
