A young lady named Amelia (Meagan Karimi-Naser) is looking for the perfect Christmas present for her sister. She pops into Nevertold, a store that sells oddities and curiosities. As the shop owner (Jeffrey Combs) tells her, every item he sells has a story behind it. I wrote a coming soon article about this movie a while ago, and again I can’t refrain from thinking about this Halloween episode of The Simpsons:
And as she considers various items, he proceeds to tell her the stories. Story one is “Dollface,” which follows a gaggle of teens on Valentine’s Day partying in a house that belongs to the children of two notorious killers. Segment two is “The Hand that Rocks the Dreidel,” a tale of Kevin (Forrest Campbell), a boy who on Hanukah is gifted with a golem (that looks more like a ventriloquist’s dummy) which is sworn to protect him. Number three is “Christmas Carnage,” in which a downtrodden pharmaceutical rep (Joel Murray) takes some of his own merchandise and does some bad things. The finale is “Room to Let,” Amelia’s own narrative about the origin of the ring she wears, which takes place on the winter solstice.
“This peacock was my great-grandfather.” “I say, that’s a fine how-do-you-do. And who’s that girl standing in the background?” “No clue. I suspect this is a publicity photo.”
The stories are liberally dosed with humor. Or at least I hope that’s on purpose. “Dollface” contains some of the dumbest underage drinkers you’re apt to see outside of a Friday the 13th movie. They spout dialogue like “Your hands are so soft. Literally, just like a baby panda,” and “You know you gotta be knee-high [referring to a blowjob] to get on this ride […] Yeeee-haw!” Not to mention the dumb blonde stereotype yelling “OMG!” every ten seconds. The only likable character is Julie (Cami Ottman), who can’t talk. At least with her mouth. She’s deaf, and uses sign language. She spends most of her time rolling her eyes and slapping a dude who gropes her. The ending is predictable if you’re paying attention. Actually, that goes for the whole movie. Some of the twists are clever, but for the most part you get what you expect.
Only a strange noise in the closet can stop a horror movie teen in the midst of booty
It’s been compared to Creepshow, which is a fair assessment, at least as far as philosophy (not quality). Besides the anthology style, it has at heart the same basic themes as the corny EC comic books from the ‘50s, which included Tales from theCrypt and The Vault of Horror, that also influenced Creepshow. The villains are completely over the top. For example, story two; Kevin is being watched for the weekend by a babysitter (Amber Stonebraker) who plans to rob his entire house. When he finds out, she imprisons him in his room and tells him how easy it is to cut children, as well as how much she’d like to decapitate him.
If you’ve seen Trilogy of Terror, this oughta seem familiar, too
The acting isn’t terrible, but a lot of the time the performances feel not quite genuine, a little off. Combs and Murray are seasoned pros, but much of the cast and even the crew are pretty new to filmmaking.
A big sharp knife? How mildly disconcerting.
As far as diversity goes, it’s quite white (of course, in the tradition of slashers, “Dollface” has a token Black couple), though Julie is a nice addition—her lack of hearing doesn’t advance the plot in any way, which is usually why filmmakers bother with differently-abled characters. There is one gay character, Mandy (Natasha Duvall)–the one who tries to come on to her friend with the baby panda line–but Sandy (the blonde) (Reza Leal-Smartt) reacts by crying OMG and calling her a dyke. It’s far from a sensitive portrayal of unrequited love, but at least Mandy isn’t portrayed as a predatory lesbian. Sandy aside, there are actually a couple of strong, intelligent female characters. Overall, I didn’t not enjoy it. Give it a look if you’re in the mood for something fun and silly.
Matias (Colin Woodell) has a fancy new computer, and the first thing he does is contact his girlfriend Amaya (Stephanie Nogueras) and show off the sign language app he got to help communicate better with her. She blows him off, so he engages in Skype game night with their friends, engaged couple Nari (Betty Gabriel) and Serena (Rebecca Rittenhouse)–and yes, they are adorable, DJ Lexx (Savira Windyani), paranoid activist A.J. (Connor Del Rio), and British guy Damon (he doesn’t have much character development aside from his country of origin) (Andrew Lees). Meanwhile, Matias finds out that the laptop he “bought on Craigslist” (actually stole from the lost and found box from work) belongs to Charon IV, a kidnapper and snuff filmmaker for hire on the dark web. Charon is not too keen about an interloper using his laptop, so he ensnares Matias and his friends in a deadly game.
Soooooo adorable!!!
It was written by Stephen Susco, who penned The Grudge, The Grudge 2, and the Lucky McKee-directed Red. This is his directorial debut, produced by Blumhouse. The filming is done entirely by webcam, as with the original movie, which I critiqued very grumpily here:
I found myself liking this one almost right away. Possibly because they didn’t stick to the person-of-color-dies-first trope. Or because Betty Gabriel. Or the diverse characters, whose ethnicities include Black, Indonesian, and Puertorriqueña. I’m also impressed that Stephanie Nogueras, who plays Amaya, is deaf in real life; it’s rare that filmmakers actually bother hiring someone who is genuinely differently abled.
This one is less disturbing than the first in terms of methods of deaths (no hands in blenders), but I didn’t give a shit about the characters in the original, so in this one the deaths are actually more agonizing. There’s one scene when Matias is afraid of losing Amaya, and he’s frantically signing to her in his crappy ASL, and she can’t understand him, and it’s pretty intense. Also, the action is not supernatural, which, if you skipped the link I put up there, was much of the base of my animosity, because I feel that it’s very hard to make ghosts that use technology anything but ridiculous (except The Ring). This movie feels pretty realistic, actually, because of how topical it is (unlike The Ring). For example, one character gets SWATted–a SWAT team is called to his house after the killer uses recordings of his voice to make a terrorist threat.
Of course the first movie meant to do the same, and it does make some good points about cyber-bullying, but the effect is much diminished by the wackiness. GHOSTS DO NOT MAKE MEMES! Dark Web really hits home about what people are capable of online. Charon frames the main characters (*NOT a spoiler—obvi this killer isn’t dumb enough to lose such an important piece of equipment in a coffee shop) entirely by using their online activity against them. It’s an extreme case of identity theft. He also watches and records them, including an intimate scene between Nari and Serena from before they start the game night, when they discuss how to tell everyone they’re engaged and how their families feel about it.
Good horror makes you paranoid that what’s on the screen can happen to you–hence, it is scary. I am nowhere near concerned that a Facebook-savvy ghost is going to haunt me and my friends, but I might be moved to be a little warier about identity theft or the concept that it’s possible to watch people without their knowledge. (Then again, what I know about hacking into computers you could put in your pocket; it might all be bullshit.) Anywho, check it out if you’re in the mood for hi-tech hijinks, found footage style.
When you’re a kid, Halloween is all about the (literal) candy. When you’re an adult and can no longer trick-or-treat without facing severe social stigma for not having kids with you, it’s all about the (eye) candy. Women especially are encouraged to show off the goods, with costumes that vary from skimpy to WTF?! I’ve scoured the internet for the latter.
10. Buzz Lightyear
Nothing’s more alluring than a toy who thinks he’s real! If the costume designers are set on binding the woman’s arms to her body, I hope those wings are functional.
Image courtesy of forplaycatalog.com
9. Jason Voorhies
This one reminds me of the Halloween costumes of my youth, which were plastic smocks with the character’s face on them. I would love to see a foot race between this lady in those go-go boots and Jason, to see who’s faster.
Image courtesy of pinterest.com
8. Fake News
That dress looks extremely uncomfortable, even if it’s not actually made of newspaper. Interesting placement of the word “Fake.”
Image courtesy of themarysue.com
7. Poop Emoji
Why? Just…why?!?! If the intent of the sexy costume is to instigate arousal…I can’t even finish this sent—
Image courtesy of thispuglife.com
6. Lobster
Outside of a Yorgos Lanthimos movie, lobsters aren’t a desirable form to take. Though she can probably find something interesting to do with those giant fuzzy mitts.
Image courtesy of foodandwine.com
5. Mr. Rogers
Nothing like a beloved childrens’ icon wearing booty shorts. I can’t decide if this is creepier with or without the wig.
Image courtesy of scarymommy.com
4. Jellyfish
Nothing says sexy like a cold, gelatinous sea creature. With boobs for eyes.
Image courtesy of vox.com
3. Crayon
This model is clearly not enjoying impersonating a drawing tool. I don’t know which bothers me more, the off-center hat or the idea that making a short dress out of any random object qualifies it as arousing.
Image courtesy of halloweenboom.com
2. Beyond Burger
This gal looks like a Dr. Seuss character wearing a fringed potato sack. I’ve looked into the abyss, which is looking back at me–I’m complaining that a woman doesn’t look like a hamburger.
It’s the late 1890s, and Ephraim (Robert Pattinson) is signing up for a one-month gig assisting at the titular (cockular?) lighthouse. Boss of the operation Tom (Willem Dafoe) is a cranky former seaman who’s jealously protective of the light tower. When they’re trapped together by a storm long after Ephraim’s stint is supposed to be over (or not?), rations run low, tempers flare, and the two go mad in spectacular fashion.
Epic drum circle time!
As I was watching, I thought to myself that a lot of people are going to hate it. It’s written by Robert and Max Eggers, who did The Witch, a challenging and sometimes loathed film. (I liked it. You can read my review of it here. Like The Witch, it’s a fairly slow burn; much screentime is devoted to showing how repetitious the job is. You can summarize the first half of the movie thusly: Ephraim drags heavy stuff around all day, masturbates. They eat dinner, with Tom insisting on the same toast every night. Tom drinks, passes gas, gets naked on the top floor of the lighthouse. Also, it’s artsy (fartsy, in the case of Tom). For starters, it’s in black and white. There are some scenes that are just plumb off-putting, like Ephraim’s vision of a nude Tom shooting lasers out of his eyes. Or the scene when Ephraim thinks he’s banging a mermaid, but then she suddenly becomes Tom dressed as Neptune–complete with tentacles. As I was leaving the theatre, I heard someone remark sarcastically, “You’re welcome for me making you go!”
Then there’s that
I read on Wikipedia (my go-to for plot summaries to make sure I didn’t miss or misunderstand something) that the critics at Cannes loved it, in particular the cinematography. Eggers used cameras and lenses meant to evoke old-timey photography, and the scenery is just gorgeous, especially Robert Pattinson’s ass–sorry, I meant the mermaid boobs–ahem, the ocean. Critics also loved the performances. Actually, both Pattinson and Dafoe are hitting up the Oscars for Best Actor (Pattinson) and Best Supporting Actor (Dafoe). I was blown away. Dafoe is of course a seasoned professional. I was awed by his soliloquy about how Neptune is going to strike Ephraim down, and also the scene when Ephraim throws him in a hole and starts shoveling dirt on him. Tom is ranting the entire time, and he gets a remarkable amount of dirt in his mouth. And he just eats it and keeps talking. (Dafoe also learned to knit for a scene showing him knitting for maybe a minute.) I knew from Little Ashes(and from never having seen a Twilight movie) that Pattinson has serious acting chops, but he shows here that he’s not afraid to look grizzled, have a mustache full of puke (hopefully fake, but I read he’s a pretty serious method actor), and slow-dance with Willem Dafoe.
Ain’t no sparklin’ here
The filmmakers do an excellent job of building tension and creepiness. The score is very primal, with its thumps and whines. Composer Mark Corven used a number of exotic instruments to evoke the sea, including a glass harmonica and a waterphone, as well the technique of friction rubs (even the soundtrack is full of friction!). The ambient sounds, like the foghorn, the whistling wind, and crashing gears, work well to build up the tension. Sometimes the sounds are so loud they’re actually painful. In one scene there’s sudden silence, and I was relieved. The lighthouse set is small, and the shots are tight, often close-ups or medium shots at the most, so the sense of being trapped builds up. The two men share a single (tiny) bedroom. There’s not much of a distinct sense of time. Without much indication to the audience, two weeks have passed. Tom is unreliable, telling Ephraim that he’d been there for much longer than a month. Tom lies, and Ephraim hallucinates, so neither of them are reliable. We hear at the beginning that Tom’s last second in command died, suffering from “doldrums,” thinking he saw mermaids and that the lighthouse was enchanted. Ephraim is not well, and we’re stuck with his perspective, hallucinating along with him. What seems to be reality in the movie is always shifting. The mens’ mental health is symbolized both by the sea, which goes from calm to roiling, and by the state of the lighthouse, which starts off tidy and clean, but when the sea bursts in, becomes flooded and nigh unlivable. By that point, neither man is cleaning; in fact, Ephraim attempts to empty his bladder in a chamber pot floating on the ocean water, misses, then falls in the urine/water and throws up.
“Well, off to find a new lighthouse to vomit in.”
Gender is a topic of interest in the movie. Eggers is repeatedly quoted to have said regarding his characters, “Nothing good can happen when two men are trapped alone in a giant phallus.” Indeed, there is a battle for dominance right after Ephraim sets foot in the door. Tom treats him as a subordinate, making him respond to commands with “Aye, sir,” and criticizes his cleaning skills, making him swab a floor twelve times. He also forbids Ephraim from touching the light tower or even going on that level of the lighthouse (despite Ephraim’s manual stating that both wickies tend to it). (So Ephraim respects his wishes and puts it out of his mind. Kidding! Of course he spends much of the movie trying to figure out what’s so great up there, and before long, so are we.) The upper hand is consistently changing. Tom is in charge, but he performs a lot of traditionally feminine habits like knitting, cooking, (nagging) in the traditionally feminine space–indoors. Meanwhile, Tom does all the hard labor outside (the traditional masculine space). During a bout of drunken cuddling, Tom rests his head on Ephraim’s chest. Tom’s shorter, older, and an old leg injury makes him physically weaker.
“How’s the weather up there? Still colossally stormy?”
The Eggers brothers (and crew, of course) did a massive amount of research to correctly capture the time period. For example, poring over books on seaman slang like, “Well, I’ll be scuppered”. Even the accents–Tom the salty sea dog and Ephraim the Maine native–are painstakingly precise. (When Ephraim hollers at Tom that he hates his flatulence, it comes across as “Goddamn ya faaahhhts!”) Even the lenses on the lighthouse and the use of kerosene lamps to light the set are historically accurate. (Both the tone and the lighting are quite gloomy–in the photo of Pattinson following the third paragraph, that’s not a poor-quality movie still–that’s how dimly lit the shot actually is.) Another antique aspect of the movie is when Ephraim kills a seagull that annoys him. In the sixteenth century poem “The Rime of the Ancient Mariner,” the narrator kills an albatross out of meanness while at sea, which causes the breeze to die and leave him and the rest of the crew stranded. In the movie, right after the seagull dies, the wind changes and the storm comes. (A slightly newer homage comes in a later scene, when a la Jack Torrance in Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining, Tom chases Ephraim with an axe, limping and screaming unintelligibly.)
There are unexpected moments of humor–and not humorous like a talking goat. In one scene, Ephraim drunkenly muses that he’d like some beef: “If I had a steak, I’d fuck it.” Tom replies, “You don’t like me cookin’?” This is moments before Ephraim launches into his Neptune speech and ends with Ephraim, unruffled, stating, “All right, have it your way. I like your cookin’.” Overall, I liked it. I actually couldn’t think of any gripes. Give it a look if you’re in the mood for something thought-provoking and mysterious.
The film is written and directed by auteur Jim Jarmusch, best known for his dramedy Broken Flowers. However, he has dabbled in the genre with his vampire love story Only Lovers Left Alive. The trailer for the film is a bit disingenuous; it makes the film look like a frenetic laugh-a-minute like Shaun of the Dead. It isn’t. Which has garnered a few complaints about the movie being boring. The humor is very ironic, and the delivery is often deadpan. For example, in one scene, Cliff and Ronnie watch Zelda dispatch zombies with a sword, and comment almost disinterestedly: Ronnie–“Darn, she’s really good with that thing, isn’t she?” Cliff– “She sure is.” Ronnie’s un-profane reactions to surprising situations is one of my favorite things: [Upon seeing an especially gory crime scene] “Oh, yuck.” It takes some getting used to, but it’s worth being patient.
This is definitely cultural appropriation, but Zelda is so damn cool
It’s certainly thought-provoking. Zombie movies tend to have, at their heart (and spleen, liver, and various other body parts) something to say about how in some way humans are the real zombies. This film is no exception. The zombies gravitate to the same things (often shallow and unhealthy) that they clung to in life: free cable, candy, wi-fi, Xanax. There’s a memorable cameo by Carol Kane as an undead Chardonnay fan, and one by Iggy Pop as a living dead coffee fiend. Also to be expected in a zombie movie is an environmentalist bent, which this film has as well. Fracking is to blame for the dead coming back to life, as well as for animals fleeing and daylight hours becoming erratic–the earth is off its axis. Ultra-conservative values are poked fun at as well; Frank is a dyed-in-the-wool Republican nightmare, complete with a “Make America White Again” hat and a dog named Rumsfeld. When zombies show up at his house, he calls them “goddamn refugees” and hollers, “Get off my property!”
“I got a lust for life!”
The movie is fairly diverse, especially for the fact that it takes place in a Midwestern town with a population of 738. My only gripe about the movie is that everyone in law enforcement is white, and that Mindy is totally useless. All she does is whine and cry and give up. Otherwise, I very much loved it. Check it out if you’re in the mood for humor so dry, the zombies don’t even bleed–they emit black clouds that look like toner. And watch for a cameo by Sturgill Simpson as the guitar zombie–if you don’t know his name now, you will by the end of the movie.
For every couple of ungodly pale people, there’s a person of color
It’s tough raising a baby. They cry constantly, eat constantly, and poo constantly. A parent takes one’s joys where he or she can. Like dressing the little bundle of joy in a crazy costume! I’ve scoured the internet for the most adorable ones.
10. Caterpillar
This little love is conveying both confusion and a deep sense of betrayal. But that costume is too sweet!
Image courtesy of heavy.com
9. Bob Ross
Now this is a happy little baby! That giant wig is just delightful! I hope no one lets him eat that paint brush.
Image courtesy of countryliving.com
8. Avocado
This chap looks as though he or she is deciding whether being a green oversized fruit is pleasing. The exposed tummy standing in for the seed is a nice touch.
Image courtesy of todaysparent.com
7. Eleven from Stranger Things
I could do without the fake bloody nose, since babies already have plenty of unwelcome stuff coming out of there as it is, but otherwise how cute is this?! If she’s teething, she can gnaw on frozen Eggos.
Image courtesy of coolmompics.com
6. Spider
This itsy bitsy spider is so fuzzy wuzzy! And that little pink bow!
Image courtesy of demilked.com
5. Super Mario
I know I did a cat Mario already, but the baby carrier/portal is too sweet! It must be comfortable; this gent looks pretty peaceful.
Image courtesy of tiphero.com
4. Narwhal
I’m a sucker for babies with tails. And a horn. This little darling seems to be digging the outfit!
Image courtesy of carters.com
3. Taco
I love how the costume accommodates this little one’s posture. It doesn’t seem to be slowing her down!
Image courtesy of stylemotivation.com
2. Black Panther
And you thought Chadwick Boseman was cute! That little hood with ears is just too much!
Image courtesy of etsy.com
Rosie the Riveter
This little lady looks more interested in her toes than making planes for the war effort, but she certainly is riveting! Ha-HA!
The original Child’s Play was released in 1988, and concerned a serial killer named Chucky (Brad Dourif) who, with his dying breath, transfers his soul to a mass-produced doll. He then torments his six-year-old owner, Andy. The reboot, 21 years later, features a disgruntled Vietnamese sweat shop employee (still less racist than the voodoo practice in the original) who cancels the doll’s safety protocols and “violence inhibitors.” The doll is then gifted to thirteen-year-old Andy (Gabriel Bateman), who at first scoffs at Chucky, but then, ET-style, red hoodie and all, learns to love the creature who’s so like and yet unlike him. Until Chucky gets jealous and stabby. Just like ET.
I’ll be riiiiight heeere, murdering ancillary characters
The most obvious aspect of the movie is its modernization, making it a cautionary tale about technology running away with us. Chucky is a Buddi doll, part of a conglomerate of smart devices made by the Kaslan corporation. The Buddis are marketed to children as toys, but they’re really for the adults buying them. The dolls keep the kids company (in one commercial, a Buddi sits in a baby’s crib singing a lullaby) to the extent that parents are released from spending time with their offspring at all. In addition, the Buddi is shown reminding a mom of an upcoming event and ordering a self-driving car to pick her up. Andy’s mother Karen (Aubrey Plaza) begs him to go play outside: “Look, two kids standing in the rain. That looks like fun.” And of course, the two kids are looking at a phone. In one scene, a character is pulverized while his daughters sit playing on their devices, totally oblivious. Andy’s friend Falyn (Beatrice Kitsos) freaks out upon her first view of Chucky, immediately predicting a robot apocalypse.
This is how the world ends, not with a bang but an army of tiny Adam Devines
And of course the other elephant in the room: the new voice of Chucky. Tom Holland (not the Spider-Man Tom Holland), who was a big driving force behind the original, called the hiring of Mark Hamill a smart choice. I agree. I think the attempted reboot of A Nightmare on Elm Street in 2010 crashed and burned because Jackie Earle Haley was a fairly unknown actor at the time. If they’d hired someone popular, say Matt Damon, people might have given a shit. (Ha ha, made you imagine Matt Damon as Freddy!) I wasn’t excited about the idea of a reboot, but with Hamill onboard I was willing to give it a try. I fucking hate Star Wars (come at me), but I loved some Batman: The Animated Seriesgrowing up, and Hamill as the voice of The Joker was my childhood.
The man is a goddamn national treasure
The film takes the basic premise of the original and goes in new directions; it’s refreshing that it’s not just a carbon copy. In addition to new themes, for Chucky’s personality the filmmakers take a different approach. Hamill’s Chucky is more childlike. His model is glitchy, and Andy has to teach him everything from scratch. In a dig at the issue of whether simulated violence influences people, Chucky learns to maim (and spout one-liners) while watching The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2. He hurts others in a misguided attempt to make Andy happy, and later to keep Andy all to himself.
He’s so impressionable!
This one is a bit more diverse than the original. Plaza is multiracial, plus we have Brian Tyree Henry taking over for Chris Sarandon as Detective Mike. Carlease Burke plays his adorable mother Doreen, who lives in the apartment complex. Everyone in the building seems to be straddling the poverty line, including a moderately colorful group of teens whom Andy befriends. For once, characters live in a realistic setting; usually anyone in a movie, regardless of their economic standing, lives in an immaculate two-story. Also interesting is that Andy has a hearing aid. It’s not essential to the plot, making him seem like just a differently-abled person, who are rare as unicorns in movies–actually, more rare. Generally any movie character who has any kind of disability is only written that way to further the storyline along somehow, not to represent how people are in reality. (Another exception is in Curse of Chucky; the protagonist is in a wheelchair without it being a major plot device–a coincidence, though, because Don Mancini, creator of the Brad Dourif Chucky series, wanted nothing to do with this reboot).
The characters are pretty appealing. Mike is kind and really tries to make a difference in the world around him. Andy is funny (my favorite quote, from Andy to Chucky: “Just close your eyes and pretend to be less creepy”) and a lot less whiny than the typical movie teenager, as are his friends. Karen is quirky and interesting. She’s dedicated to her son, but not so much so that it eclipses her own personhood. She does have crappy taste in men; her boyfriend, Shane (David Lewis), is not only married, but shoves Andy down in a fit of pique. Confusingly, he starts out as a nice enough guy; we’re supposed to dislike him, but the first scene he’s in, he tells Andy to be quiet because Karen has fallen asleep on the couch. A short time later, he tells Karen, who has baked cookies, that he’s not really hungry. That monster!
Though how anyone could turn down Karen’s cookies is beyond me
Overall, I grudgingly enjoyed it. It’s not at all scary, but it did manage to shock me a time or two, which is almost as good. Give it a look if you’re in the mood for something that lambastes our wasteful, technology-dependent, consumerist society. Or if you wanna watch a doll destroy everything in his immediate vicinity. Who says we can’t have both?
I first became acquainted with Amanda through a horror group on Facebook. We kept in touch, and I wanted to promote her awesome home business. The following is an interview between her and me, via Messenger, since we live in different states:
Q: Can you tell me a little bit about yourself?
A: K wanted to start out by saying thank you so very much for this interview; I’m honored to do this and I love your writing and reviews–you are awesome. A little bit about myself: I’m a wife and a mother of 4, I love my family more than anything, and I’m a Halloween and horror addict.
Q: What made you decide to start your own business?
A: I started making my own bath products, household products, infused oils, salves, and natural meds when I was diagnosed with chronic illness, and I wanted to make them fun creepy things that I couldn’t find anywhere else. I started having friends and family asking to purchase the things I was making, then I had punk rock flea market get ahold of me online for an invite to be a vendor, and I quickly made the decision to turn it into a business.
Blood bags for the bath!
Q: How long have you been running Voodoo Bath and Apothecary?
A: I have been making my own product for 4 years, but I started my business about 2 years ago.
Love the details on the face!
Q: Do you have any professional training, or are you just a crafty genius?
A: I have absolutely no professional training whatsoever. I was truthfully just a stay at home mom and found an extra way to help support my family. I have had some help and advice from some amazing people along the way, but I’m mostly self taught through experimentation and lots of research. I still learn and research new ways to improve daily.
Sparkly skull jewelry is the best kind!
Q: What is your bestselling item?
A: My best selling items are my horror themed bath bombs, tonics, tinctures, and salves, and oddity resin jewelry are my top 3 items.
This guy is ghoulishly happy to see you!
Q: Which item is the most time-consuming to make?
A: My most time consuming item to make are tinctures and bath bombs.
Q: Which item is the most fun to make?
A: My most fun item to make is a tough question to answer because I love it all, but I’d say resin pieces and bath bombs are my top 2.
Gorgeous!
Q: Is there a new direction you want to go in, e.g. a new medium to create in?
A: As far as a new direction I’d like to go I’m always looking for new fun things to do and add; however, I would like working with concrete and paper mache at some point.
Q: Which horror movies influence your crafts the most?
A: The movies that inspire my crafts the most are definitely the classics, lots of Hellraiser, Halloween, and Friday the 13th inspiration there.
Adorable little Jasons!
Q: What’s your favorite movie?
A: As far as a favorite movie that is an impossible question to answer lol. I love all horror, but I’d say the genres in horror that are my favorites are the slasher style and horror comedy; the more blood and gore for me the better.
Did I mention that everything is natural, hand-made, vegan, and cruelty-free? You can find her on Etsy here:
Alvin Schwartz’s series of three Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark books were published over forty years ago, and generations of people have grown up reading them. Now imagine the pressure of adapting those beloved books into one movie. Consider that the stories in the book are based on folklore and urban legends, and are not a continuous narrative; imagine not structuring the movie anthology-style, but shaping it into a tale about a group of friends and a misunderstood ghost. Imagine trying to fit in issues of social justice like racism, when the books contained none. Imagine making it PG 13 to appeal to teens, while bringing to life some of the most gruesome creatures ever committed to paper, without overusing CGI in favor of practical effects. Okay, that’s me trying to be calm and understanding about a movie that managed to inspire me to feel sympathetic towards people who claim that something destroyed their childhood.
This isn’t funny, stop clowning around!
I saw the movie in the theatre with my two older sisters, Leslie and Suzy, who read the books as tirelessly as I did growing up. We were joined by Suzy’s daughter Zakura, who had naturally read them as well. (And Suzy’s boyfriend Louis and Leslie’s boyfriend Kevin, who don’t contribute to the point I’m making but were delightful company.) We laughed all throughout. Especially at this poor creature, the Pale Lady, whom we impersonated after the movie, chasing each other with arms outstretched.
Yes, she looks–and moves–just like Baymax. And yes, she loves hugs just as much.
Look at this gentle smile. She’s adorable, not terrifying!
Let’s turn to Harold, easily the scariest character in a children’s book ever. He has a nasty habit of killing the farmers who mock him and drying their skins on a roof. Without giving too much away, this is not the fate of the stereotypical bully in the movie who hits him with a bat. It’s less gruesome, and nowhere near as delightfully traumatizing.
Which is the core of almost all of my gripes: it’s just not scary. There were a couple of moments that were mildly creepy, but that’s it. The use of the Big Toe story (if you’re unfamiliar with the book, it’s about a little boy who digs a toe out of the ground and eats it in soup–on purpose) was an odd choice, even with horror icon Javier Botet playing the owner of the big toe. A story about a random fellow dropping out of a fireplace and spouting gibberish (Troy James) is also used, this time definitely improving on the scare value:
If you haven’t seen Troy James as Pretzel Jack in season 4 of Channel Zero, I’ll wait.
As I alluded to earlier, the plot is forced from completely unrelated stories to a singular plotline about teenage outcast Stella (Zoe Margaret Colletti) and her outcast friends who are trying to placate an erroneously maligned ghost (Kathleen Pollard) that is inadvertently killing them. It’s nice to see unpopular characters in the lead, especially with a Latino dude (Michael Garza) as the love interest for the final girl, but the characters–even Ramón–are much-used clichés, most offensively that of a Superstitious-Black-Lady-Who-Knows-Exactly-What’s-Going-On-Because-She-Used-to-Be-a-Maid-or-Nanny-for-the-Antagonist (Lorraine Toussaint). When Stella waltzes into the woman’s house flippantly calling her by her first name like it’s not the 1960s (it takes place in the 1960s, by the way), I was bristling big time.
“You owe me exposition, Superstitious Black Lady! It’s the entire meaning of your existence!”
Despite Guillermo del Toro’s name being plastered all over it, his imprint (aside from regular collaborator Botet) is nowhere to be seen. I’d never call it a total waste of time; the acting is decent, which is more than you get from a lot of horror movies, for example, but it doesn’t live up to the hype. If you’ve never read the books, watch away–it’ll just be a creepy movie with cooler-than-average monsters.
Halloween is not a fun time of year for cats. Whether they’re being hassled on the streets by pranksters or stuffed into costumes, it’s safe to say cats are pissed. Which makes them wearing costumes even fricking funnier, I have to say. I have scoured the internet for the ten most humiliating—I mean adorable—cat costumes out there.
10. Lobster
I wonder if this chap’s thousand-yard stare is coming from appearing as though it’s being eaten by something it might normally consider prey, or if it stems from being placed in a stock pot.
Photo courtesy of lifebuzz.com
9. Pennywise
That the cat is already white is a hoot, but the bald cap jammed on its head is a bonus. The balloon is just priceless.
Photo courtesy of popsugar.com
8. Princess Leia
This baby looks like its only hope is getting out of this costume quickly. I can’t believe that wig is staying on its head.
Photo courtesy of justsomething.co
7. Turkey
This cat clearly has a message for its owner, and that message is not “Dress me as poultry.”
Photo courtesy of ppcorn.com
6. Super Mario
A simple costume, yes, but this fluffer came with its own moustache. Too cute!
Photo courtesy of boredpanda.com
5. Baked Potato
This is a homemade costume, and if the cat looks embarrassed but tolerant, it’s because he’s used to modeling for his person. You can check out more of her stuff here: https://imgur.com/gallery/7xYpC.
Photo courtesy of imgur.com
4. Cheeseburger
For the cat who’s always asking if it can haz cheeseburger, now it can BE cheeseburger. It does look both terrified and disappointed.
Photo courtesy of sklcblog.com
3. Surgeon
Have a cat who likes to dissect the couch or other beloved destroyable items? Get revenge by dressing the beast accordingly!
Photo courtesy of cattime.com
2. Nyan Cat
This furbaby looks like either the concept of dressing as the internet star has blown its mind, or that it’s paralyzed with rage.
Photo courtesy of catinwater.com
Sushi
Here’s the baked potato cat again, the handsome model for mommy’s mad crafting experiments. Hopefully he got some kind of fishy treat for being so patient. What a sweetheart!
