GhoulieJoe

Hideo Nakata’s ‘Ringu’: Ya See, Kids, the ’90s were a Simpler Time…

The Japanese movie that was remade in America as The Ring. Asakawa (Nanako Matsushima) is a reporter investigating mysterious deaths (including that of her niece Tomoko), all occurring one week after the victims watched a strange videotape. Asakawa locates the actual tape and watches it. With seven days to live, in desperation she shows it to Ryuji (Hiroyuki Sanada), her ex-husband and father of their young son Yoichi (Rikiya Ôtaka). The two figure out that the tape is a curse made by Sadako (Rie Ino’o), a vengeful girl who could kill someone just by wishing it. Asakawa and Ryuji have a few days to find Sadako and lift the curse—the sooner the better, because Yoichi also watched the tape.

Ring - Ringu (1998) — “You know, when you asked me to come over to watch a tape, this was not what I had in mind.”

Those used to the American remake may feel a bit of culture shock (though there are Western influences present, including a box of Ritz crackers and Ryuji writing an essay in English). In the remake, Rachel, like Asakawa, is a harried single mom, but she gets a babysitter for her son. Yoichi, who’s six, stays by himself while Asakawa works late. Yoichi is expected to be much more mature than his American counterpart. While getting ready for his cousin’s funeral, he asks Asakawa, “How come Tomoko died?” She responds, “Probably some disease. Zip me up.” Then there’s the scene when Rachel catches her son watching the tape. She sweeps him into her arms, asking, “Why, baby, why?” Asakawa shakes Yoichi, shouting, “Yoichi! Did you bring this? Why? How dare you?” I don’t feel one culture is superior; I’m just amused by the contrast.

Speaking of contrast, if you’ve seen and liked The Ring or Ringu, then the book they’re based on is mighty different, too. Asakawa is a man, Ryuji is his buddy from college and a self-proclaimed rapist, and Sadako is an intersex telepath in their 20s, not a creepy little girl. A few scenes in the book are offensive, like the passage when Asakawa finds out his wife Shizu watched the tape: “For the first time in his married life, Asakawa felt a desire to hit his wife. ‘You…idiot!’” and my favorite, Asakawa’s conversation with a cab driver who witnessed the death of a cursed tape viewer: “Oh, the driver, he was a prep school kid, nineteen years old. He died, the idiot.”

Even if I didn’t enjoy the movie (which I do), there would still be a place in my heart for it, since it’s my first Asian horror movie. Before I saw Ringu, I had no idea how amazing foreign horror movies could be–my first had been an underwhelming vampire flick from Denmark called Angel of the Night. Ringu opened up a whole new world for me. The premise is a little dated (seeing as how VHS tapes have gone by the wayside), but still original. The acting is decent and the special effects are great. And best of all, though it starts out a bit slow, it’s really scary. Give it a look if you’re in the mood for an intense, frightening watch.

‘Return to Oz’: Wholesome Family Watching! (That’s Sarcasm)

It’s six months after Dorothy (Fairuza Balk) returned from Oz (actually forty-six years in real life). Dorothy can’t shut up about her wonderful adventures in Oz, which earns her a trip to the local sanitarium for shock treatment. After escaping, Dorothy wakes up back in Oz, this time with her chicken Billina (voiced by Denise Bryer), which now has the ability to talk. She finds everyone in Oz turned to stone because of the evil Nome King (Nicol Williamson). Dorothy and her new band of pals: Tik Tok, an iron soldier (voice of Sean Barrett), scarecrow Jack (voice of Brian Henson), and the head of a Gump (it’s like a moose) (voiced by Lyle Conway) set out to help the Oz-ites (Oz-ians?).

ret4 — “Now, Dorothy, if you keep going on about Oz, they’re all gonna laugh at you.”

The Wizard of Oz never disturbed me as a kid (though it’s infamous for scaring small children), but this one did. Princess Mombi (Jean Marsh) is a hell of a lot eerier than the Wicked Witch—she keeps craniums in glass cases and occasionally walks around without one of her own. She wants to lock Dorothy in a tower until her “head is ready”. There are also the Wheelers—guys with abnormally long arms and legs that end in wheels. They wear creepy masks and threaten to tear Dorothy into pieces. Not to mention the sanitarium, with “residents who were damaged and locked in the cellar.” However that’s not to say the whole film is terrifying. There are a lot of humorous moments. I myself am tickled by newly lingual Billina asking Dorothy, “How’s my grammar?” and Jack asking, “Would you please check my head for signs of spoiling?”

Sure, the original is widely beloved, but Return certainly has its merits. My favorite aspect is Dorothy’s 180° change in personality; she’s a whole lot less whiny and weepy. She’s tough, smart, and powerful. All in all, the performances are great, the sets are exquisite, and the special effects are decent for the mid-80s. Check it out if you’re in the mood for something family-oriented but pretty creepy.

ret2 — It’s so hard to film a severed head convincingly

‘Repossessed’: You Gotta, at Least Once

It’s an early ‘90s spoof of The Exorcist. Nancy (Linda Blair) is a housewife who was once possessed as a young girl, and who becomes, as the title suggests, repossessed. Leslie Nielsen is Father Mayii, the priest who comes to her aid. Things are complicated when Ernest (Ned Beatty) and Fanny Ray Weller (Lana Schwab), a televangelist couple, decide they want to perform an exorcism on live television, giving the devil exactly what it wants: a captive audience. Mayii and his protégé Luke (Anthony Starke) must drive out the evil spirit before it corrupts everyone.

While the jokes can be painfully bad (like a nun named Sister Brothers), there’s an unexpected thoughtful undertone to the movie—a condemnation of religious hypocrisy. Nancy is repossessed while watching an episode of the Wellers’ show. The Wellers are certainly not the holy people they make themselves out to be; they’re in their business not to help people, but to get their money. Also, though a lot of the controversy over Satanism and rock and roll records was over by the time this was made, it’s interesting that it’s not prayer that frees Nancy from possession, even by an entire group of priests—it’s their performance of “Devil in a Blue Dress.” As the devil states as he is being driven out of Nancy, “I hate rock and roll!”

The movie is incredibly dated; there’s a gag referencing Oliver North as well as cameos by Jack LaLanne and Jesse Ventura, while the Wellers are a thinly veiled parody of Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker. Honestly, while watching Repossessed I groan inwardly more than I laugh outwardly. However, I adore Nielsen, and I will always find it irresistibly delicious seeing Blair recreate scenes from The Exorcist in a comedic way. My favorite is when she’s preparing to spew on Father Mayii, and he beats her to it. “So,” he says, “How do you like it?” It’s worth watching at least once, but if you’re like me and will only understand the topical humor from having watched a lot of old Saturday Night Live reruns, you might want to brush up on current events and pop culture circa 1990.

Linda Blair is a national treasure–watch this clip, it’s 13 seconds

‘Repo! The Genetic Opera’: Dark, Witty, Campy–with Awesome Songs!

It’s the not-too-distant future, and an epidemic of organ failures gives rise to Geneco, an organ financing conglomerate that helps people “cheat death for now.” Surgery becomes a fashion statement, and organ repossession is legal. Since everyone is now in debt, the Repo Man (Anthony Head) makes a brisk business. But he also has a tender side: he’s Nathan, a doctor caring for his sickly daughter Shilo (Alexa PenaVega). The real villain is Rotti (Paul Sorvino), the head of Geneco, and his spoiled children Amber (Paris Hilton), Pavi (Kevin Ogilvie, AKA Ogre), and Luigi (Bill Mosely). The Repo Man’s newest assignment is Mag (Sarah Brightman), whose eyes are up for repo. Seeing as she’s Nathan’s dead wife’s best friend, he’s in a mighty fine predicament. Further meanwhile, Rotti, Shilo’s mother’s spurned lover, wants to leave Geneco to Shilo—if she kills her father. Throw in a couple dozen songs, and you’ve got a Goth opera.

“Zydrate Anatomy”–my favorite song

If, unlike me, you’re not a fan of musicals, I still recommend giving Repo! a look. The sets, the crazy costumes, and the dark tone should make it a horror fan’s delight. Plus it’s made by Twisted Pictures, helmed by Darren Lynn Bousman, and stars Bill Moseley, not to mention Kevin Ogilvie from Skinny Puppy. It’s also pretty gory, as Luigi happily stabs anyone who displeases him, and Pavi and Amber, surgery addicts, have a bad habit of losing their faces. Although the talk-singing gets really old really fast (about 99% of the dialogue is in song form), the soundtrack grew on me.

One of the more striking things about the film is its eerie rendering of poverty and recession, as it was released in 2008. It could be read as an allegory for America’s financial woes—people maxing out their credit cards and losing their homes while the rich get richer. Also interesting is the way it makes the old adage “It’s what’s on the inside that counts” into an ironic statement about trendy surgery. Shilo, who fights the blood disease she inherited from her mother, proves that “My legacy is not up to my genes.” So it’s really not what’s on the inside that counts.

Now, a warning: Paris Hilton is in it, but she’s virtually unrecognizable as Amber (which is ironic, being that Amber is a bratty socialite who gets by on Daddy’s fortune—it’s the role Hilton was born to play). Give it a look if you’re in the mood for a spirited mockery of contemporary society. And check out Paul Sorvino’s incredible singing–he has amazing breath control, Family Guy.

And, because my reviews are incomplete without cheesy jokes:

‘The Rage: Carrie 2’–Call Me Nostalgic, but it’s an Ambitious and Well-Made Sequel

Twenty-three years after the original comes a sequel, continuing in the same town. Seems Carrie’s father had a child with another woman, who, go figure, is also a religious zealot. Being raised in one uncaring foster home after another does little to improve young Rachel’s (Emily Bergl) morale, and she becomes a surly sixteen-year-old goth. Similar to her half-sister, she’s an unpopular outcast pushed too far. In addition to catty teenage girls, she’s accosted by a gaggle of jocks over a game in which they sleep with girls for points. One of them—Jesse (Jason London)—really has feelings for her, but she doesn’t find that out until it’s too late and she has a meltdown–literally.

car2 — Look at that Dutch angle–shit’s about to go down!

It meets all of my qualifications for a good sequel: it follows the plot and logic of the original, and someone from the original is involved—Amy Irving returns as the sympathetic Sue, who, amusingly enough, is the high school guidance counselor. Since the plot is so similar to Carrie, it almost feels like a remake; setting the story in the late-90s goth scene would be a more clever modernization than most remakes manage.

car3 — “I’m sure you’ll be fine as long as teenagers aren’t mean to you in any way.”

My major complaint is that the villains are forced into one-dimensional types—rich jocks and cheerleaders—and they are completely overdone in their evilness. For example the scene when Rachel’s best friend Lisa (Mena Suvari—I find it amusing that here Lisa is labeled as a “dog,”

but in the same year Suvari played dreamboat Angela in American Beauty) has just leapt off of the school’s roof. A football player strolls over with a video camera, wondering aloud whose car Lisa just totaled. My second, more minor, issue is that none of these actors are or even look like teenagers. (According to IMDB, the only person under 20 is Zachery Ty Brian, who’s actually playing the age he really is, 18.) They’re good actors though, and I enjoy them. Overall it’s well-written and does what it’s supposed to: score one for the underdog.

I saw the film in the theatre at age 15. Back then I was a pudgy green-haired misanthrope, thrilled to be sitting next to my sister’s friend Matt, yet depressed he had no idea I was alive. (Can you say target audience?) There’s also a scene that surprised me with how much I could identify with it: Rachel is in the back of popular girl Monica’s car; Monica (Rachel Blanchard) tells her friend to take the wheel while she changes her clothes. The same thing once happened to me, down to the clothes-changing; my popular friend Hope tried to include me in activities with her similarly popular friends, and though they were nice (besides the one who barked, “Are you shy? I hate shy people!”), I felt like an outsider. Check it out if you feel like seeing some bullies get a hurtin’, especially if you (like me) still occasionally rock Marilyn Manson’s Antichrist Superstar album.

‘Quarantine’: Somebody Call a Wah-mbulance

Remake of Jaume Balagueró’s Rec, directed by John Erick Dowdle. Reporter Angela (Jennifer Carpenter) and her cameraman Scott (Steve Harris) are doing a piece on firefighters. They ride along with firemen Fletcher (Johnathon Schaech) and Jake (Jay Hernandez) on a call to an apartment building where one of the residents has been heard screaming. Turns out she has an advanced case of rabies, and so do a few other people who live there. After the Center for Disease Control kindly locks them in (hence the title), our heroes basically become fish in a barrel. Their only hope is finding a way out and not getting bitten.

The whole thing is filmed on hand-held camera, which takes some getting used to. It’s been done before, but it is a clever ploy in this context; we’re watching from a subjective view, so we’re at the mercy of whatever the camera operator can catch on film. Therefore the bitten critters lurking in the dark are more unnerving when we don’t have a safe objective camera. The found footage technique makes the movie seem genuine, giving it a reality TV kind of feel (whoever gets voted off gets fed to the rabies monsters).

qua5 — Yeah, Latino guy and white lady: wonder who’s gonna eat it first

There’s quite a bit of humor at the beginning of the movie, establishing the characters as funny and likable. Which makes it more disturbing to see them torn to shreds. Look, it’s Columbus Short and a teeny-tiny Joey King:

I’d say the middle of the film is the closest it comes to being scary. The last half hour plays out like a game of Resident Evil, with infected people jumping out at every turn. That might still be creepy, but Angela is in such a state of hysteria that I just wish she’d shut up and die already. Otherwise the performances are decent, and the script also makes a fair amount of sense.

qua3 — This is the last half hour in a nutshell

I saw this in the theatre with my husband Andrew and his friend Steven. We spent a good half hour debating whether we liked it. Andrew and I were on the side of no, but over time we’ve both softened and grown to like the movie more, possibly because we’re Dexter fans. If you’re in the mood for gore and a bouncy camera, give this one a look.

‘Psycho Beach Party’ is a Wacky Comedic Romp

Florence (Lauren Ambrose) is a teenage girl who wants to be a surfer. Despite protests from the all-male surfers, big kahuna the Great Kanaka (Thomas Gibson) teaches her. Things become complicated when Florence discovers she has two split personalities; soon her friends and acquaintances start dying off. Is it Florence’s sinister side? Her suspicious mother (Beth Broderick)? Her best friend Berdeen (Danni Wheeler)? Her love interest Starcat (Nicholas Brendon)? Mean girl Rhonda (Kathleen Robertson)? Actress in hiding Bettina (Kimberley Davies)? Foreign exchange student Lars (Matt Keeslar)? It’s up to Captain Monica Stark (Charles Busch) to crack the case, and everyone else to surf—and not get killed.

I enjoy parodies, and from what I understand of beach movies, this one nails it, from the goofy names to the goofy slang. Mores of the fifties and sixties are examined and heartily parodied, from sexual repression to generational differences. Gender roles are mocked and defied, with Berdeen being the smartest person in the movie and Florence’s sassy alter egos bossing around every man they see. One particularly interesting one is Anne, a fierce dominatrix who spouts lines like these: “Bad boys get spanked! Bad boys get tortured!” and “I’m no chick. I’m a goddess! And the first thing I’m gonna sacrifice is your balls, Sonny!”

It’s written by Charles Busch, an actor/writer who often performs in drag, as in this movie. The crux of the movie centers around Florence’s rampaging heterosexuality, but there is a gay surfer couple, and Berdeen is easily construed as gay.

The performances are great, particularly Ambrose as Florence. The surfing scenes look blatantly unrealistic, which matches the lighthearted tone. Give it a look if you’re in the mood for something retro and funny.

‘Psycho’ 1998: Why???

Marion (Anne Heche) is longing to get married to her boyfriend Sam (Viggo Mortensen), but neither of them have the money. She sees her opportunity when her boss gives her a boatload of money to deposit in the bank, and instead she runs away with it. She winds up at the Bates motel, run by creepy guy Norman (Vince Vaughn) and his grouchy mom. Goaded by his mother, Norman stabs her in the shower. Flash forward a few days, when Marion’s sister Lila (Julianne Moore) tracks down Sam, who is also wondering where Marion is. Together they and Detective Arbogast (William H. Macy) discover she was at the motel, prompting Norman to murder again to cover his tracks.

Critics tend to agree that Alfred Hitchcock’s film Psycho is a masterpiece—so why remake it? And why set it in modern times but keep most of the original dialogue, making it sound dated and weird? And why claim it’s remade shot-for-shot, but include shots of Anne Heche’s and Viggo Mortensen’s butts, as well as Norman masturbating? Lila’s statement, “Let me get my Walkman” clearly wasn’t in the original film either.

psycho3 — In light of Heche’s untimely death, I removed a bunch of snarky comments. It’s still no contest. I’m keeping the brag that Janet Leigh went to high school with my grandma.

Furthermore, most people are already aware of the twist at the end, but even if they weren’t it just doesn’t have the same shock value it did in 1960, when showing a toilet flushing was a revolutionary act. In regards to the shower scene, Hitchcock battled with the censors just to keep it in the film both because of the violence and the nudity (though Janet Leigh wasn’t actually naked—according to the book she wrote about making Psycho, she was wearing mole skin over her censor-worthy parts), so for me it’s a slap in the face for director Gus Van Sant to show it all—the knife going into flesh and just about all of Anne Heche. I saw this in the theatre when I was fifteen, and at that point I had already seen and revered the original. I’m not of the opinion that only classic movies and actors are good (quite the opposite—in fact, I enjoy most of the cast in the remake), but I don’t think Hitchcock should be remade—even by Hitchcock. Basically, I don’t think it should have been made, but I won’t say don’t watch it per se. I guess you can give it a look cause Vaughn looks hotter in a dress.

‘Population 436’: ‘The Stepford Wives’ Meets ‘The Wicker Man’ (But Not as Cool)

Steve (Jeremy Sisto) from the Census Bureau has just arrived in the quaint town of Rockwell Falls. His mission is to figure out why every year the population equals exactly 436 people. The locals welcome him with open arms, particularly Deputy Bobby (Fred Durst) and his girlfriend Courtney (Charlotte Sullivan). Steve finds out too late that the townsfolk are mighty religious, and believe that God punishes anyone who tries to leave. They are also determined that he become a resident.

Population 436 can hardly be called outright scary, at least not in terms of boo! scares; there aren’t any monsters and there isn’t even much gore. What makes it eerie is its exploration of the power of group-think—the townspeople are determined to act as a unit and kill anyone who gets in their way. Rockwell Falls is more than likely named for Norman Rockwell, an artist famous for his cutesy paintings of small-town Americana. Like any small town, people know who’s who, and Steve is only there one night before every person he sees greets him by name without being formally introduced to him. Similar to A Clockwork Orange, the movie poses the question of whether or not people can live peaceably amongst themselves without grinding totalitarianism to keep them in line. There is “never any crime in Rockwell Falls” because people die if they misbehave.

Good performances abound, even from child actors. I’m not at all a fan of Limp Bizkit, but I appreciate Fred Durst’s transformation from hardcore angry rocker to sweet, gullible Bobby.

pop 436 2 — Sweet, gullible, unconscious Bobby

The special effects are few and decent, except for a horrible-looking CGI fire. Overall, it’s enjoyable. Give it a look if you’re in the mood for something well-written, pretty original, and somewhat unpredictable.

‘Poltergeist II: The Other Side’: One of the Better Sequels You’re Apt to Come Across

polt2 — Stereotypical Native American stuff, ’cause why not?

The film picks up a while after the first one left off (despite being made four years after the original). The Freelings (JoBeth Williams, Craig T. Nelson, Heather O’Rourke, and Oliver Robins return as Diane, Steve, Carol Anne, and Robbie, respectively) are poor and living with Diane’s mother (Geraldine Fitzgerald), who promptly dies. Meanwhile, Tangina (Zelda Rubinstein) and her friend Taylor (Will Sampson) are digging under the Cuesta Verde house. Sensing danger, they seek out the Freelings. Turns out Carol Anne’s ghostly harasser (Julian Beck) has found her and wants her back.

polt8 — Aw, he can’t be that bad! Look at how he’s juxtaposed by all the pretty flowers!

Two of my criteria for a good sequel are met off the bat. Too bad Tobe Hooper didn’t direct again, but (unlike the third movie in the series) the main cast returns (aside from Dominique Dunne as the oldest child Dana, seeing as she passed away shortly after making the original film), and the movie follows the storyline. My third criterion—that the logic of the original is upheld—is kinda iffy. The ghost of the first movie is given a name, a face, and a back-story. That’s fine—it’s his creepy habit of keeping people in a cave against their will that makes the movie effective and develops the plot. (Though it does raise the question of why there’s a different mass grave under the Cuesta Verde house.) But banishing him is another kettle of fish; in a particularly sappy turn, this time all of the family members have to venture into ghostie-space to fight the villain with their love. The special effects are terrible to boot, adding insult to injury.

polt3 — Who WOULDN”T want to spend eternity with this dude?

This movie is nowhere near as scary as the first, but it has its creepy moments. The scene when Robby is attacked by his own braces is a bit silly yet still gets to me after the twenty or so years since I saw this movie first. There is an interesting theme of struggling to keep the family together despite financial woes and Steven’s self esteem issues, though it does get heavy-handed at times. I love the return of E. Buzz, who has to be the livin’est dog in horror movie history.

On the plus side, the acting is still great, the plot otherwise makes sense, and the conceptual design is by H.R. Giger—he makes a vomit creature look good.

Well, in theory.

Give it a look if you want a pretty good sequel with some creepy imagery.