1988 – GhoulieJoe

Beware of the Blob! (review)

It’s been four years, but I made a YouTube video.

1988’s ‘Death Spa’ is Objectively Terrible, But I Still Kinda Love It

The Starbody Health Spa: where athletic folks come to sweat, socialize…and die! A vengeful spirit is using the computerized gym equipment to murder patrons, and it’s up to owner Michael (William Bumiller) to stop it before all his members are killed, in increasingly gruesome ways. Oh, where to begin? I first became aware of thisContinue reading “1988’s ‘Death Spa’ is Objectively Terrible, But I Still Kinda Love It”

Robert Englund’s ‘976-EVIL’: A Kinda Creepy ’80s movie with Just the Right Amount of Cheese

Directed by Robert Englund. Hoax (Stephen Geoffreys) is a nerdy teen whose obsessively religious mother (Sandy Dennis) babies him. His rebellious (but protective) cousin Spike (Patrick O’Bryan) discovers a hotline that delivers a “horrorscope”—couplets that generally urge people to do bad things, such as when Spike is told to steal a pair of gloves heContinue reading “Robert Englund’s ‘976-EVIL’: A Kinda Creepy ’80s movie with Just the Right Amount of Cheese”

‘Killer Klowns from Outer Space’: ‘The Blob’, but with Clowns

Mike (Grant Cramer) and Debbie (Suzanne Snyder) are two young people in love. Their evening at a make-out spot is interrupted by, as the title suggests, killer clowns from outer space. The clowns’ game is kidnapping people, wrapping them in cotton candy cocoons, and drinking their essence with a silly straw. Har dee har har.Continue reading “‘Killer Klowns from Outer Space’: ‘The Blob’, but with Clowns”

‘Hellbound: Hellraiser II’: Think Outside the Box with Kirsty!

The film takes place a few hours after the first movie left off (despite being released four years later). Kirsty is trapped in a mental hospital because she won’t stop raving about burning the mattress Julia died on. The evil head psychiatrist there, Dr. Channard (Kenneth Cranham), is making obsessive puzzle-solver Tiffany (Imogen Boorman) openContinue reading “‘Hellbound: Hellraiser II’: Think Outside the Box with Kirsty!”

David Cronenberg’s ‘Dead Ringers’ is Brilliant and Wrenching

Twin brothers Beverly and Elliot are genius boys trying to understand women and their ways. After discussing the wonders of fish intercourse (they don’t need physical contact to procreate), they ask a neighbor girl to have sex with them in their bathtub. They grow up to become famous gynecologists, ironically learning very little about women.Continue reading “David Cronenberg’s ‘Dead Ringers’ is Brilliant and Wrenching”

1988’s ‘The Stay Awake’ is Entertaining and Somewhat Original

The film opens with the death of Brown (Lindsay Reardon), murderer of eleven women, who vows revenge on his executioners. Cut to St. Mary’s School for Girls, where eight students and their den mother Miss Walton (Shirley Jane Harris) are raising money by staying awake at the school all night (hence the title). Brown decidesContinue reading “1988’s ‘The Stay Awake’ is Entertaining and Somewhat Original”