‘Girl on the Third Floor’: The Dangers of Being Overly Cocky

Don (C.M. Punk AKA Phil Brooks) is a disgraced former lawyer who defrauded his clients. He attempts to appease his pregnant and long-suffering wife Liz (Trieste Kelly Dunn) by buying a cheap murder house, with plans to renovate it entirely by himself. While Sarah works from their current home, he stays in the new one.Continue reading “‘Girl on the Third Floor’: The Dangers of Being Overly Cocky”

Deon Taylor’s ‘The Intruder’: It Makes a Tired Genre Great Again

Annie (Meagan Good) and Scott (Michael Ealy) are a happy well-to-do couple buying a fancy house in fancy Napa Valley. The owner of the home they’re buying, Charlie (Dennis Quaid) is sorry to let his house go, as he lived so happily with his deceased wife there, but his daughter really wants him to moveContinue reading “Deon Taylor’s ‘The Intruder’: It Makes a Tired Genre Great Again”

‘Annabelle Comes Home’: It’s No ‘Conjuring,’ but You Can’t Go Wrong with the James Wan-iverse

The movie opens, in case we forgot, with Lorraine (Vera Farmiga) and Ed (Patrick Wilson) collecting the evil Annabelle doll from the two nurses who were in possession of it and bringing it home to lock in the evil-shit-you-never-touch room. If you need a recap of the previous movies, here are synopses from Wikipedia: AnnabelleContinue reading “‘Annabelle Comes Home’: It’s No ‘Conjuring,’ but You Can’t Go Wrong with the James Wan-iverse”

‘The Curse of La Llorona’: The Scariest Thing About it is the Poster Art

America, 1973: mother Patricia (Patricia Velasquez) has issues with alcoholism, which isn’t helped by angry spirit La Llorona targeting her two sons. When her well-meaning social worker Anna (Linda Cardellini) takes the kids away (Patricia had been hiding them in a closet), La Llorona gets them, which makes Patricia less than pleased. In fact, sheContinue reading “‘The Curse of La Llorona’: The Scariest Thing About it is the Poster Art”

‘Holiday Hell’ is Entertaining, but Far from a Masterpiece

A young lady named Amelia (Meagan Karimi-Naser) is looking for the perfect Christmas present for her sister. She pops into Nevertold, a store that sells oddities and curiosities. As the shop owner (Jeffrey Combs) tells her, every item he sells has a story behind it. I wrote a coming soon article about this movie a whileContinue reading “‘Holiday Hell’ is Entertaining, but Far from a Masterpiece”

‘The Lighthouse’ is a Seriously Good Watch

It’s the late 1890s, and Ephraim (Robert Pattinson) is signing up for a one-month gig assisting at the titular (cockular?) lighthouse. Boss of the operation Tom (Willem Dafoe) is a cranky former seaman who’s jealously protective of the light tower. When they’re trapped together by a storm long after Ephraim’s stint is supposed to beContinue reading “‘The Lighthouse’ is a Seriously Good Watch”

The Dead Don’t Die is Darn Delightful!

A small town is forced to deal with a zombie apocalypse. We have the law: Chief Cliff (Bill Murray), Ronnie (Adam Driver), and Mindy (Chloë Sevigny). We have the store owners: hardware guy Hank (Danny Glover) and gas “and stuff” proprietor Bobby (Caleb Landry Jones). We have a trio of kids in juvie: Geronimo (JahiContinue reading “The Dead Don’t Die is Darn Delightful!”

Child’s Play (2019) is Surprisingly Likable

The original Child’s Play was released in 1988, and concerned a serial killer named Chucky (Brad Dourif) who, with his dying breath, transfers his soul to a mass-produced doll. He then torments his six-year-old owner, Andy. The reboot, 21 years later, features a disgruntled Vietnamese sweat shop employee (still less racist than the voodoo practice in theContinue reading “Child’s Play (2019) is Surprisingly Likable”

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark is, Beyond a Doubt…Really…Something…

Alvin Schwartz’s series of three Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark books were published over forty years ago, and generations of people have grown up reading them. Now imagine the pressure of adapting those beloved books into one movie. Consider that the stories in the book are based on folklore and urban legends, andContinue reading “Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark is, Beyond a Doubt…Really…Something…”

Pet Sematary (2019) is Great in its Own Way

The Creed family: father Louis (Jason Clarke), mother Rachel (Amy Seimetz), eight-year-old Ellie (Jeté Laurence), toddler Gage, and cat Church have just moved to a woodsy part of Maine for a chance to live the simple life. Unfortunately they find that life is simple nowhere, particularly when they live next to a road full of distracted truckers and aContinue reading “Pet Sematary (2019) is Great in its Own Way”

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