Gemma (Imogen Poots) and Tom (Jesse Eisenberg) are a young couple looking for a home. They come across a real estate office marketing the territory Yonder, which promises “Quality family homes. Forever.” After blithely ignoring the horrifying slogan, they find all the houses look exactly alike, and they’re completely devoid of residents. The realtor, MartinContinue reading “‘Vivarium’ is Satisfyingly Strange Without Being Pretentious”
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Blumhouse’s ‘Fantasy Island’ is Actually Pretty Good, but Don’t Expect Gore
The mysterious Mr. Roarke (Michael Peña) runs a mystical island resort. Guests come with a fantasy, and the island grants their wish. We have Gwen (Maggie Q), who regrets turning down a marriage proposal from Allen (Robbie Jones), Melanie (Lucy Hale), who wants to humiliate Sloane (Portia Doubleday), because she bullied her in high school,Continue reading “Blumhouse’s ‘Fantasy Island’ is Actually Pretty Good, but Don’t Expect Gore”
‘Jacob’s Ladder’ (2019) is Not Without its Charms
Jacob (Michael Ealy) is a former Afghanistan war medic who suffers from PTSD, which is exacerbated by the fact that he saw his brother Isaac (Jesse Williams), also a soldier, die on his operating table. In his current job at a veteran hospital, he bumps into guys who are on HDA, also known as “theContinue reading “‘Jacob’s Ladder’ (2019) is Not Without its Charms”
‘Dreamkatcher’: No Surprises Here
2020 movie, not to be confused with the 2003 Stephen King adaptation, which I have reviewed here. Also, dreamkatchers are not to be confused with dreamcatchers–here’s the difference, according to a title card: a dreamkatcher is “a misshapen wooden hoop asymmetrically looped with blackened string, decorated with feathers and beads, believed to hold evil. ItsContinue reading “‘Dreamkatcher’: No Surprises Here”
‘Gretel and Hansel’ is Creepy and Weird
In the style of the Grimm fairy tale, the land of long ago is in serious famine. At the home of Gretel (Sophia Lillis), who for the sake of the movie is a teenager, and Hansel (Samuel Leakey), their mother (Fiona O’Shaughnessy) is losing her shit after the patriarch has gone on to his reward.Continue reading “‘Gretel and Hansel’ is Creepy and Weird”
‘The Platform’ Asks Some Disturbing Questions
Spanish movie, AKA El Hoyo. Goreng (Ivan Massagué) is a principled man who applies to be sent to “The Hole”, a prison, in order to quit smoking and read a lengthy book. At the end of six months, he will have earned an accredited diploma. The Hole involves 333 floors, with two people per level.Continue reading “‘The Platform’ Asks Some Disturbing Questions”
‘The Turning’: You’ll Be Turning it Off
Loosely based on the Henry James novel The Turn of the Screw. It’s 1994, and Kate (Mackenzie Davis) is a perky schoolteacher who is hired on to be a nanny for young orphan Flora (Brooklynn Prince), who lives in a giant, giant house with only her maid, Mrs. Grose (Barbara Marten). The previous au pair,Continue reading “‘The Turning’: You’ll Be Turning it Off”
‘Underwater’: In the Mariana Trench, No One Can Hear You Scream
Norah (Kristen Stewart) is onboard the world’s deepest sub-aqueous drill. After a sudden pressure breach kills most of the crew, she and five other survivors, Captain Lucien (Vincent Cassel), Rodrigo (Mamoudou Athie), Paul (T.J. Miller), Emily (Jessica Henwick), and Smith (John Gallagher Jr.) set out to hoof it through the ocean to the nearest vessel,Continue reading “‘Underwater’: In the Mariana Trench, No One Can Hear You Scream”
‘Haunt’ (2019): Don’t Stick Your Arm in Mystery Holes!
Not to be confused with the 2014 film of the same name, which I already reviewed here. It’s Halloween, and our six main characters are looking for a haunted house. We have main character Harper (Katie Stevens), her love interest Nathan (Will Brittain), her roommate Bailey (Lauren Alisa McClain), and her friends, token woman ofContinue reading “‘Haunt’ (2019): Don’t Stick Your Arm in Mystery Holes!”
‘The Shed’: A Decidedly Un-Sparkly Teen Vampire Dramedy
Stan (Jay Jay Warren) is living with his grandfather Ellis (Timothy Bottoms) on the edge of the woods. When neighbor Bane (Frank Whaley) is bitten by a vampire while hunting, he decides to snooze the day away in Ellis’s shed. This brings nothing but problems for Stan, as Bane tends to munch on anything thatContinue reading “‘The Shed’: A Decidedly Un-Sparkly Teen Vampire Dramedy”
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