The Horrors of Adulting: Working with the Public

My eldest child just turned sixteen and is thinking about looking for work, so I was briefing her on my Golden Rule of Customer Service™: “Even if someone’s screaming at you, you don’t come up here [gestures palm-down to eye level], you want them down here with you [gestures palm-down to chest height].” She gave me a look that was kind but conferred that these are things she knows well, and it was then I realized that babysitting her autistic brother since she was 12 has perfectly prepared her to deal with the public.

This is a Facebook post I wrote in May 2025:

“When I first started at [store name redacted–it’s a gas station/travel stop], my coworkers encouraged me to be more assertive by reminding me I’m a mom. This is me picturing how it would be talking to customers like I do my three-year-old:

[Customer has finished fueling and must move so that others can use the pump] “All done. No more. All done.”

[Customer wants to use a shower, but they’re all occupied] “Let’s wait. Good waiting!”

[Showing the customer an expensive item from behind the counter] “No touch.”

[Ringing up purchases when simultaneously the phone rings, the CAT scale goes off, and a professional driver needs their fuel receipt] “Mama has two hands.”

[Customer is exiting the store] “Good night, sweet baby. I love you!”

Due to the amount of disrespect, tantrums, and unreasonable demands, customer service is often reminiscent of dealing with toddlers.

Checking IDs

I get why I’ve had to do it, but carding people sucks. Lots of people get mad about being carded. At the travel stop/gas station, cigarettes were a popular purchase, and I swear every person who said, “Don’t I look old enough?” thought they were the first person to say it. I once worked at a grocery store self-check station, and I was constantly being flagged to check IDs, not only for alcohol (and by the way, in Kentucky, where I had this job, you can’t buy liquor before 1 pm on Sundays, so that was fun), but also for many types of medicine. Most folks were okay with it, but I’ve had customers balk at having their ID scanned, which was store policy, thinking the government is tracking them. At the library, I’ve had people get bent out of shape for being asked to confirm their identity to get a library card or access their account if they showed up without their card. Library accounts are very confidential by law–even if a police officer comes in with a warrant, I cannot release information. Nope, not even if they’re hunting a serial killer and want to see a suspect’s checkout history. I’ve seen people storm out, and one time I got called a robot. I’m just obeying the law, folks.

The Moneys

When I first started at the library, they had a much more extensive fine system than they do now. For example, DVDs used to accrue a $2 fee for every day they were turned in late. I regularly had to surprise people with bills. Library policy prohibits waiving fees except in the case of staff error; it leaves a paper trail for admin, so even if I felt like bending the rules, I would be quickly caught. I’ve had people get aggressive over 75 cents. They sometimes thought the money they paid in fines went towards my salary, and I’ve had at least one patron infer that I enjoyed collecting money from him. People like to save money, and of course they do, groceries are goddamned expensive, but I used to work at a grocery store that had ever-changing weekly sales, and a good portion of my day was spent placating customers who swore the amount that rang up is not what the sign said it was supposed to be. I was allowed to reduce the price up to five dollars, and we all pretty much just did that rather than argue or try to find the item to confirm. I had a customer escalate the issue to my manager because I didn’t immediately take her word that candles were 40 percent off. I don’t miss cashiering one bit.

Being Screamed At

When I was a brand new employee at the library circulation desk, I was oft visited by a mother/daughter duo who showed up a hair before closing with a stack of series DVDs that they wanted to renew. I had yet to learn the fastest way to do this, so they would berate me while I sorted through them as quickly as I could. It didn’t help that they had a personal grudge against my coworker. I used to encounter a mentally ill unhoused patron who came in daily from open to close, working on projects that included historical research, lots of printing, and saving documents on a flash drive. She was upset one day about something the computer did and blamed me for it and started scolding me. I never never treat the public rudely no matter how they treat me (see my Golden Rule of Customer Service™), especially not at the library, where I will die on the hill that everyone is welcome, that’s why I love the library (besides the books), but I had had enough with her that day. I stood up and said, “We’re done here,” and walked away. She followed me, hurling abuse, and thankfully my coworker stepped in. People tend to be of the belief that someone who is paid to assist them is also paid to let them blow off steam when they feel belligerent. Which I guess is technically true but does not make dealing with them any more pleasant.

Criminal Activity

I’m very trusting, but even I know that people steal. Gosh, do they ever. I’ve caught people at the self-check engaging in what we call ticket-switching–taking the barcode from a cheaper item and scanning that instead of the item they wanted. I’ve also had people scan their stuff, pretend to pay, and walk off while my back was turned. At the gas station/truck stop, they only staffed two people for the overnight shift, which is nowhere near enough, and one time while both were busy, somebody loaded up a duffel bag of merchandise and walked out with it. Aside from theft, people get up to dickens in other ways; at one library I worked at, a couple was found getting busy in the public bathroom. Physical altercations (between patrons, not with staff) are not unheard of; at one library I work at, a kid broke a window with his head while fighting. Security guards are really the unsung heroes at public establishments.

Sexual Harassment

I’ve never been what western culture regards as traditionally attractive (maybe briefly as a teenager when I exercised and dieted to the point of neurosis), so my experience with unwanted attention has been limited. I’ve been asked out at work before. I briefly worked at a clinic for autistic kids, and my first regular client was a boy who liked to grab boobies. Later I was told that normally he had a male technician, but one wasn’t currently available; they handed his case to me without any kind of warning. I had been feeling extra anxious about the job to begin with, not only because there is no pressure in the world like being responsible for someone’s kids, but also I hated how unpredictable it was. (In retrospect, I’m frustrated that the staff for an organization dedicated to helping autistic children didn’t recognize signs of it in their own employee.) Being groped, even by a seven-year-old who arguably didn’t know what he was doing, was the last straw for me there. I can be complacent to a fault, and I can put up with a lot, but nope.

As a parent, one worries about how their child will fare in the wild world out there. Thankfully my kid is patient and good-hearted but also extremely tough. She’s gonna do all right.

And if someone touches her wrong, they better watch their fucking back.