Ted (Milo Ventimiglia) is the newest pathology resident at the county morgue. His group of peers there are arrogant jerks, from leader Jake (Michael Weston), interchangeable white guy number 1 Griffin (Johnny Whitworth), interchangeable white guy number 2 Chip (Dan Callahan), unremarkable Catherine (Meiling Melançon), and sex kitten Juliette (Lauren Lee Smith), who’s sort ofContinue reading “‘Pathology’: Restrained and Thought-Provoking, But the Characters Suck”
Author Archives: GhoulieJoe
William Malone’s ‘Parasomnia’: GhoulieJoe Angry!
Danny (Dylan M. McKnight) is a sad sack who’s moping over his girlfriend leaving him. He cheers up in a hurry when, while visiting a friend in drug rehab, he spies Laura (Cherilyn Wilson), a traditionally attractive girl with Sleeping Beauty Syndrome. This is characterized by her sleeping most of the time and having nightmares,Continue reading “William Malone’s ‘Parasomnia’: GhoulieJoe Angry!”
‘Paranormal Activity’: Love it or Hate it, It’s a Seminal Film
Katie (Katie Featherston) and her boyfriend Micah (Micah Sloat) are experiencing odd events in their home, like hearing footsteps and voices they can’t identify. Katie suspects that the demonic presence that’s been following her since she was eight has something to do with it. So she and Micah film themselves during the day and setContinue reading “‘Paranormal Activity’: Love it or Hate it, It’s a Seminal Film”
Guillermo del Toro’s ‘Pan’s Labyrinth’: The Master Outdoes Himself!
Spain, 1944, during the Spanish Revolution. Young Ofelia’s (Ivana Baquero) pregnant mother Carmen (Ariadna Gil) has just married the leader of the effort to suppress the resistance, Captain Vidal (Sergi López). Ofelia, obsessed with fantasy stories, finds herself in a real-life fairy tale when a faun (Doug Jones), recognizing her as the reincarnation of theContinue reading “Guillermo del Toro’s ‘Pan’s Labyrinth’: The Master Outdoes Himself!”
‘Pandorum’: Dense and Kinda Boring, but Overall it Delivers
It’s 2174, and Earth, being vastly overpopulated, sends a Noah’s Arc-type spaceship to planet Tanis, which is compatible for living on. Unfortunately, the captain got a case of Pandorum, which causes paranoia and erratic behavior, and he sabotaged the mission. Eight years later, crew members Bower (Ben Foster) and Payton (Dennis Quaid) wake up, confusedContinue reading “‘Pandorum’: Dense and Kinda Boring, but Overall it Delivers”
Jaume Collet-Serra’s ‘Orphan’: The Director of ‘The Shallows’ Explores Other Predatory Animals
Kate (Vera Farmiga) and John (Peter Sarsgaard) are a married couple with two children, and are about to adopt a third. Too bad they pick Esther, a nine-year-old sociopath (Isabelle Fuhrman), who does stuff like push girls off playground equipment, kill a nun, and terrorize her adopted siblings (Jimmy Bennett, Aryana Engineer). Kate sees throughContinue reading “Jaume Collet-Serra’s ‘Orphan’: The Director of ‘The Shallows’ Explores Other Predatory Animals”
‘Once Bitten’: Racist, Homophobic, AND Corny AF
Mark (Jim Carrey) is a typical teenage boy who is dissatisfied by his long-time girlfriend Robin’s (Karen Kopins) refusal to have sex. While trolling for some strange with his buddies, he meets the mysterious Countess (Lauren Hutton). Unfortunately, Countess is a vampire who needs his virgin blood three times before Halloween or she loses herContinue reading “‘Once Bitten’: Racist, Homophobic, AND Corny AF”
‘Misery’: Even with the Corny Sheriff, and the Hobbling Scene Already Spoiled for You, it’s Still Pretty Intense
Paul (James Caan) is a writer famous for his romance novels about a woman named Misery. After finishing his new non-Misery novel (having killed her in his newest published book), he crashes his car during a blizzard. He’s rescued by Annie (Kathy Bates), a former nurse who treats his multiple injuries in her home, claimingContinue reading “‘Misery’: Even with the Corny Sheriff, and the Hobbling Scene Already Spoiled for You, it’s Still Pretty Intense”
‘Mirrormask’: I Dislike the Fantasy Genre, but I’ll Make an Exception
Written by Neil Gaiman, with special effects by The Jim Henson Company, blending CGI with live action. Helena (Stephanie Leonidas) is a bratty teenage girl whose parents run a circus, which she hates (as she says, “I want to run away and join real life”). After her mother (Gina McKee) becomes sick (shortly following anContinue reading “‘Mirrormask’: I Dislike the Fantasy Genre, but I’ll Make an Exception”
Guillermo del Toro’s ‘Mimic’: Get Ready to Be Bugged!
Due to an epidemic affecting children that happens to be carried by cockroaches, New York entomologist Dr. Susan (Mira Sorvino) engineers a “Judas” beetle that will kill the nasties. In the process, the Judas beetle keeps mutating—so much so that it begins to “mimic its predator”—us. It’s up to Susan, her partner Dr. Peter (JeremyContinue reading “Guillermo del Toro’s ‘Mimic’: Get Ready to Be Bugged!”
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