God (Ferdy Mayne) and Satan (Tony Giorgio) are on a train, debating over the souls of three people: Harry (John Phillip Law), who winds up in a mental hospital where the doctors use him in their plot to harvest and sell body parts; Gretta (Marideth Haze), a struggling musician who makes pornographic movies for YoungmeyerContinue reading “‘Night Train to Terror’: Without Hyperbole, One of the Worst Movies I’ve Ever Seen”
Author Archives: GhoulieJoe
‘Night of the Living Dead’ 1990: Do it for Barbara! And Tony Todd!
Remake of George A. Romero’s 1968 film, this time in color with a contemporary twist or two. Makeup man Tom Savini takes the director’s seat, with Romero writing the screenplay. It keeps the same basic plot and characters: a band of humans with higher than average survival skills board themselves up in a farmhouse (unfortunatelyContinue reading “‘Night of the Living Dead’ 1990: Do it for Barbara! And Tony Todd!”
‘Motel Hell’: Wacky and Fun
Down at the Motel Hello (the o being burned out, hence the title), Farmer Vincent (Rory Calhoun) and his sister Ida (Nancy Parsons) make sausage. They also kidnap travelers, plant them in the ground, and later grind them up for said sausage. After all, “It takes all kinds of critters to make Farmer Vincent’s fritters.”Continue reading “‘Motel Hell’: Wacky and Fun”
1987’s ‘The Monster Squad’ Withstands the Test of Time
In the late 1800s, Van Helsing and pals try to kill all of Universal Studio’s lineup: Dracula (Duncan Regehr), Frankenstein’s monster (Tom Noonan), the Mummy (Michael Reid MacKay), the Wolfman (Carl Thibault), and Gillman (the Creature from the Black Lagoon) (Tom Woodruff Jr.). “They blew it.” So 100 years later, the task is left toContinue reading “1987’s ‘The Monster Squad’ Withstands the Test of Time”
Troma’s ‘Monster in the Closet’: A Mid-’80s Examination of Homophobia, or an Example?
Brought to you by the Troma Team. Richard (Donald Grant) is an obituary writer for a local newspaper. He has a chance to move up in the world when a rash of murders spreads, leaving victims dead in their closets. With the help of college biology teacher Diane (Denise DuBarry), her genius son Professor (aContinue reading “Troma’s ‘Monster in the Closet’: A Mid-’80s Examination of Homophobia, or an Example?”
‘Monster Dog’: So Bad It’s Good! Just Kidding, It’s Hilariously Bad
Alice Cooper is Vince, a rock star (yeah he’s really stretching as an actor here), heading back to his hometown with a film crew: his girlfriend Sandra (Victoria Vera), camera guys Jordan (Emilio Linder) and Frank (Carlos Santurio), makeup artist Angela (Carole James), and actress Marilou (Pepa Sarsa) to shoot his new music video. TheContinue reading “‘Monster Dog’: So Bad It’s Good! Just Kidding, It’s Hilariously Bad”
‘Marronnier’: Compelling, Creepy, and Campy
Japanese movie, based on the manga by Junji Ito. Marino (Mayu) is a young woman who’s “hooked on dolls,” particularly those made by famous doll maker Iwata (Ochyazukenori). Her passion is ultimately detrimental, as Iwata’s loony assistant Numai (Hiroto Nakayama) becomes fixated on her. He eventually kidnaps her and reveals Iwata’s secret: the dolls areContinue reading “‘Marronnier’: Compelling, Creepy, and Campy”
Takashi Shimizu’s ‘Marebito’: Vampires, Kinda, and also Social Commentary
Japanese movie, whose title Google Translate assures me means “rare”. Masuoka (Shin’ya Tsukamoto) is a cameraman who feels disconnected from daily life. After filming a stranger committing suicide by stabbing himself in the eye, Masuoka longs to see what the man saw, thinking that his terror opened him up to seeing “things both strange andContinue reading “Takashi Shimizu’s ‘Marebito’: Vampires, Kinda, and also Social Commentary”
‘The Mangler’: Tobe Hooper, Ted Levine, and Robert Englund–’nuff Said
John (Ted Levine) is a gruff but lovable detective investigating a death at the Blue Ribbon Laundry: a woman was sucked into a steam ironer and flattened. His brother-in-law Mark (Daniel Matmor) immediately suspects the machine is possessed by a demon, and he’s right. John and Mark discover that the owner, Gartley (Robert Englund), deliberatelyContinue reading “‘The Mangler’: Tobe Hooper, Ted Levine, and Robert Englund–’nuff Said”
‘The Man with Two Brains’: Comedy Genius
This is a comedy inspired by old sci-fi movies, co-written by Steve Martin and Carl Reiner. Martin is Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr, (pronounced hu-furrrr) a brilliant but lonely brain surgeon. He meets and soon marries Dolores (Kathleen Turner), who turns out to be a conniving gold digger. While at a medical conference in Austria, he isContinue reading “‘The Man with Two Brains’: Comedy Genius”
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