GhoulieJoe

Ever seen the American Film Institute’s list of movie quotes? Let me sum up: of the hundred, about 25 are Casablanca and Gone with the Wind. Most of the rest are from the other golden oldies that are revered by the writers of film studies textbooks; they may be well-made, but they’re also very much a reminder of how discriminatory Hollywood was in terms of race, gender, and sexual orientation. Though I give big ups for including Jaws, Psycho, and The Sixth Sense, the AFI’s selections just don’t speak to me, and if you’re on this site, perhaps they don’t speak to you, either. Though many of the movies I quote from aren’t horror, they are all delightful (the quotes, not necessarily the movies). After trying and failing to narrow down my own list to a slim ten squared, here is part twenty. In no particular order:

25.) Shirley Jackson (Elisabeth Moss): “A clean house is evidence of mental inferiority.” (Shirley, 2020)

24.) Naomi (Maya Rudolph), regarding a vacation away from her four kids: “Mama needs to rock out with her cock out. Also, Mama needs to stop referring to herself in the third person.” (Wine Country, 2019)

23.) Rosa (Zoe Saldana), after her daughter inherits a mound of musical instruments from her late great-great-uncle: “Oh, thank you, Montoya. You gave my kid an accordion.” (Vivo, 2021)

22.) Emily (Octavia Spencer), after Lydia (Melissa McCarthy) has received a serum that makes her extremely strong: “I’m estimating that you’ll be able to lift 20,000 pounds. Roughly the weight of a city bus.” Lydia: “Oh my God, I’m gonna throw the shit out of a city bus.” Emily [whose teenage daughter is standing by]: “Language.” Lydia: “I’m gonna throw the pee crap out of a city bus.” (Thunder Force, 2021)

21.) Inspirational voice on CD (Maya Rudolph): “Stand atop the mountain of your success and look down at everyone who’s ever doubted you. Fuck those losers. Fuck them in their stupid fucking faces.” (Booksmart, 2019)

20.) Sara (Salma Hayek), regarding her brother Maximo’s (Eugenio Derbez) pronunciation of her son’s name (hoo-go, when it should be pronounced oo-go): “Don’t call him ‘jugo’! His name is Hugo!” Maximo: “Same thing!” Sara: “He’s not a juice!” (How to Be a Latin Lover, 2017)

19.) The Horde (James McAvoy), to a row of captive cheerleaders: “Look at you all. My name is Patricia. Now, who would like a P.B. and J. sandwich? You do.” (Glass, 2019)

18.) [Audrey (Mila Kunis) is unexpectedly the caretaker for a flash drive full of spy stuff thanks to her ex-boyfriend]: “We have to get it to a cafe in Vienna.” Morgan (Kate McKinnon): “Austria, Vienna? Okay. Well, why don’t we do that then?” Audrey: “Do what? Go to Europe when a bunch of people are trying to kill us?” Morgan: “Do you wanna die never having been to Europe? Or do you wanna go to Europe and die having been to Europe?” Audrey: “Why are those my only two options?” (The Spy Who Dumped Me, 2018)

17.) Mirabel (Stephanie Beatriz), reprising a musical number she sang earlier, while climbing an enchanted flight of stairs and becoming steadily more exhausted: “Welcome to the Family Madrigal…there’s so many stairs in the Casa Madrigal…you think there would be another way to get so high ’cause we’re magic, but no…magical, how many stairs fit in here!” (Encanto, 2021)

16.) [Gerry (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) is a reporter investigating a story about a teen supposedly able to perform miraculous feats]: “Where are you going?” Nervous Man Leaving Town (Charlie Thurston): “Anywhere but here.” Gerry: “Aren’t you happy about the miracles?” NMLT: “No, sir, I am not. I like when God stays where he belongs. Up there. When he comes down here, bad things happen. Floods, plagues of locusts. The Old Testament God is wrathful. What if something pisses him off?” (The Unholy, 2021)

15.) Levee (Chadwick Boseman): “Life ain’t shit. You can put it in a paper bag and carry it around with you. It ain’t got no balls. Now death? Death got some style. Death will kick your ass and make you wish you never been born. That’s how bad death is. But you can rule over life. Life ain’t nothing.” (Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom, 2020)

14.) [A family is trapped in a bathroom during what begins as a tornado but may be something much worse, and they have killed a snake] Robert (Pat Healy): “Should we have eaten it?” Melissa (Sierra McCormick): “Gross, no!” Bobby (John James Cronin): “Snakes with extra cheese! Cheese with extra snakes!” Diane (Vinessa Shaw): “I don’t know how to eat a snake, do you?” Robert: “Yeah, you just pick it up and bite the head off like Ozzy.” Diane: “Wasn’t that a bat?” Robert: “Snakes are just bats that can’t fly!” (We Need to Do Something, 2021)

13.) Stan (Bradley Cooper), discussing working in a circus with Clem (Willem Dafoe): “How do you ever get a guy to geek?” Clem: “Oh, I ain’t gonna crap you up. It ain’t easy. You gotta pick up a broken drunk. A real alkie, a two-bottle-a-day fool, see?” Stan: “Pick him up from where?” Clem: “Nightmare alleys, train tracks, flophouses, you name it. Lot of folks came back from the war addicted to the poppy, to booze. Now, opium really sinks its claws, but you reel ’em in with booze. You tell ’em, ‘I got a little job for you. It’s a temporary job.’ Make sure you emphasize that. ‘Just temporary, until we get ourselves another geek.’ You spike it with that opium tincture. One drop per bottle, that’s all. But oh, oh, now, this is what he thinks is heaven. So you say to him, like this, you say to him, ‘Well, I gotta get me a real geek.’ He says, ‘Ain’t I doing okay?’ You say, ‘Like crap you’re doing okay. You can’t draw a real crowd faking a geek. You’re through.’ And you walk off. Now, that night, you drag out the lecture, you lay it on thick. All the while you’re talking, he’s thinking about sobering up, getting the crawling shakes, the screaming, the terrors. You give him time to think that over while you’re talking. Then, you throw him the chicken. He’ll geek.” (Nightmare Alley, 2021)

12.) Commissioner Blades (Harry Lennix): “So, what is this, Chief?” Chief Riptide (Tony Fitzpatrick): “At approximately 15:00 hours 75 women took possession of the armory. They had hostages, they released them.” Blades: “Women did this?” Riptide: “Black and Brown women.” Blades: “Black and Brown women?” Riptide: “Just Black and Brown women.” Blades: “How many dead?” Riptide: “Zero.” Blades: “Just wounded?” Riptide: “Nada.” Blades: “They were packing big muscle, huh?” Riptide: “No, sir, they appear to be unarmed.” Blades: “How many?” Riptide: “Approximately 75, sir.” Blades: “Are you telling me that 75 Black and Brown women took a United States Military Armory, unarmed?” Riptide: “Yes, sir.” (Chi-Raq, 2015)

11.) Charlie (Brendan Fraser): “You think Alan died because he chose to be with me? You think God turned His back on him because he and I were in love?” Thomas (Ty Simpkins): “Yes.” Charlie: “You know something? I wasn’t always this big.” Thomas: “Yeah, I know.” Charlie: “I mean, I wasn’t the best-looking guy in the room, but Alan loved me. He thought I was beautiful.” Thomas: “Okay.” Charlie: “Halfway through the semester, he started meeting me during my office hours. And we were…we were crazy about one another. But we waited until the class was over before–” Thomas: “This isn’t, uh…” Charlie: “It was just after classes had ended for the year. It was perfect temperature outside. We took a walk in the arboretum, and we kissed.” Thomas: “Charlie, stop.” Charlie: “We would spend entire nights lying together, naked. We would make love. We would make love.” (The Whale, 2022)

10.) Flint, Michigan, resident Fatima Strong, regarding how she has to brush her teeth with bottled water because the tap water in Flint has dangerous amounts of lead: “That’s how I brushed my teeth in Iraq. I took bottled water showers in Iraq. So, I compare how I live now to how I lived in Iraq as far as when it comes to water. I had more water supply in Iraq than I do now.” (Fahrenheit 11/9, 2018)

9.) Jean (Selma Blair), a serial killer addressing police officer Eddie (Stellan Skarsgård) and his sort-of-boyfriend Daniel (Ashley Walters), whom she’s holding hostage in order to make one kill the other in a complex revenge scheme: “He doesn’t love you, Eddie. If this was his choice, you’d be long dead by now. Flick the switch. It’s what we all do. There is no love.” Daniel: “Sorry, man. So fucking sorry.” Eddie: “Kill me.” Daniel: “Eddie.” Jean: “You want me to kill you?” Eddie: “I don’t care if he loves me. Let him go. [To Daniel] In my life, you’re the only thing I don’t regret.” (w delta z, AKA The Killing Gene, 2007)

8.) Carla (Stephanie Beatriz): “Mi amor, calmate, huh? What would Jesus do?” Daniela (Daphne Rubin-Vega): “Do I look like Jesus to you?” Carla: “I mean, sometimes when I squint.” (In the Heights, 2021)

7.) [Kim (Riley Keough) and Will (Christopher Abbott) are in the midst of a pandemic that has killed most people and depleted their food supply, but they haven’t lost that lovin’ feeling] Kim: “Maybe you could get in the bath?” Will: “Do I smell?” Kim: “No.” Will: “Those subtle hints you drop, Jesus Christ almighty. You don’t smell great yourself. You smell like onion soup. Like French onion soup.” Kim: “Aw, that sounds so good!” Will: “You look pretty.” Kim: “I feel like you just say that when I look the ugliest.” Will: “That’s when you need it the most.” (It Comes at Night, 2017)

6.) Detective Moss (Michole Briana White), looking at an artist’s rendering of her suspect, a conjoined twin/tumor growth thing: “So I’m putting out a BOLO on Sloth from The Goonies?” (Malignant, 2021)

5.) Orlock (Richard Brake), to his date: “Do you like rats?” Lily (Sheri Moon Zombie): “Of course, who doesn’t?” Orlock: “Oh, good good good good good! I have pictures of my fuzzy little nuggets!” Lily: “Oh. Somehow I’m not surprised.” [Thumbing through photographs] Orlock: “Hmm. Oh! This is Eric. He’s a naughty boy.” Lily: “Oh, he’s a cute little fella.” Orlock: “Oh! This is Steve. He’s a real cutup. Watch out for his hijinks!” Lily: [Getting steadily more bored] “Oh, yeah, he’s cute too.” Orlock: “Oh, this is Opie, but I call her Tubby. She likes to cuddle under my pillow.” Lily: “Uh-huh.” Orlock: “He likes to sit on my head…[Lily looks around the room in desperation, landing on a couple getting engaged] She likes to play hide and seek. She’s really big and fat. Roly-poly Jill. Pumpkin! Do you want to rub Pumpkin’s nose?” (The Munsters, 2022)

4.) [Kyle (Liam Hemsworth) has easily overtaken an intruder hiding in his closet]: “Give me your weapon.” Stranger (Jacob Zachar): “I don’t got one.” Kyle: “Someone that fights like you should have a weapon.” (Arkansas, 2020)

3.) Elizabeth (Rebecca Hall), to her partner Olive (Bella Heathcote): “Hi. [Olive kisses her] Sweetie, I’m late.” Olive: “I don’t care.” Elizabeth: “No, I’m late. I have to go. [Cut to Elizabeth on the phone] I’m just calling, because, uh, I woke up this morning, and I–I felt, um, terrible. I don’t think I’m gonna make it.” [Gets off the phone and kisses Olive] (Professor Marston and the Wonder Women, 2017)

2.) Teresa (Janelle Monáe), to Chiron (Alex R. Hibbert), whom she has taken under her wing: “Stop putting your head down in my house! You know my rule. It’s all love and pride in this house! Do you feel me? [Chiron nods] I can’t hear you. Do you feel me?” Chiron, quietly: “Yeah.” Teresa: “Okay.” Chiron [firmly] “I feel you.” (Moonlight, 2016)

1.) Sook-hee (Kim Tae-ri), eyes on the floor: “I am at your service. Miss…[Sees Lady Hideko for the first time] [In voiceover] Bloody hell. He should’ve told me she was so pretty. I’m completely flummoxed.” (The Handmaiden, 2016)

Author’s note: I have extensively relied on IMDb for help, both with dates and with some of the quotes.

Ever seen the American Film Institute’s list of movie quotes? Let me sum up: of the hundred, about 25 are Casablanca and Gone with the Wind. Most of the rest are from the other golden oldies that are revered by the writers of film studies textbooks; they may be well-made, but they’re also very much a reminder of how discriminatory Hollywood was in terms of race, gender, and sexual orientation. Though I give big ups for including Jaws, Psycho, and The Sixth Sense, the AFI’s selections just don’t speak to me, and if you’re on this site, perhaps they don’t speak to you, either. Though many of the movies I quote from aren’t horror, they are all delightful (the quotes, not necessarily the movies). After trying and failing to narrow down my own list to a slim ten squared, here is part nineteen. In no particular order (except the chronological order in which I wrote about these films in my movie journal).

25.) Darling (Lauren Ashley Carter): “I think I’ll become one of your ghost stories now.” (Darling, 2015)

24.) Father McFerrin (Robert Quarry), trying to fight off zombies and brandishing a cross: “May the Lord our savior turn you from your wicked ways. [Pause] You’re not turning. Look fellas, what we’ve got here is a failure to communicate. I mean, we all live in the same neighborhood, right? Is it anybody’s birthday today? Did anybody go to Notre Dame?” [By the end of the movie they’re pals and he’s singing them to sleep] (Teenage Exorcist, 1991)

23.) Paulie (Piper Perabo), fighting internalized and externalized homophobia regarding her romantic friendship: “I’m Paulie, in love with Tori […] She is mine and I am hers and neither of us are lesbians.” (Lost and Delirious, 2001)

22.) Young-goon (Lim Soo-jung), who talks to inanimate objects, to a fellow psychiatric patient: “Lights here aren’t very friendly, are they?” (I’m a Cyborg, But That’s Okay)

21.) Tree (Jessica Rothe), referring to a repetitive moment from the first film: “What the hell are you always looking for under that desk?” (Happy Death Day 2U)

20.) Collin (Daveed Diggs), venting about narrow-minded viewpoints to a racist police officer: “I am both pictures! See both pictures!” (Blindspotting, 2018)

19.) [Vin (Bill Murray) has had a stroke, and his neighbor Maggie (Melissa McCarthy) is working on his speech with him by using flash cards] Vin: “Money.” Maggie: “No, it’s a…it’s a tree.” Vin: “You owe me money. Yeah, you broke my tree.” Maggie: “All right.” [The next card is a picture of a fence] Vin: “Yeah, you broke my fence, too.” Maggie: “Okay, what are you…planting these?” (St. Vincent, 2014)

18.) Nina (Natalie Portman), a sheltered and childlike ballerina, excited about being chosen to dance the lead: “He picked me, Mommy!” (Black Swan, 2010)

17.) Michael (Ryan Reynolds): “My job is to keep you out of harm’s way.” Darius (Samuel L. Jackson): “Shit, motherfucker. I am harm’s way.” (The Hitman’s Bodyguard, 2017)

16.) Elinor (Emma Thompson): “Merida, a princess does not place her weapons on the table.” (Brave, 2012)

15.) Andy Barclay (Alex Vincent, returning to the franchise after 23 years), preparing to shoot Chucky: “Play with this.” (Curse of Chucky, 2013)

14.) Irena (Simone Simon): “I like the dark. It’s friendly.” (Cat People, 1942)

13.) [Babe (Dustin Hoffman) is holding captive a Nazi war criminal (Laurence Olivier) who has also both killed his brother and tortured him with a drill] Szell: “What are you going to do now, shoot me?” Babe: “No, I don’t think so.” Szell: “Then you’re going to take these [diamonds he stole during the Holocaust]? If I could say a word about that…” Babe: “No, you can keep them. You can keep as many as you can swallow.”(Marathon Man, 1976)

12.) After a long battle with trying to pronounce the line “Would that it were so simple” in an elegant accent, Hobie (Alden Ehrenreich) gives up: [In his natural drawl] “It’s complicated.” (Hail, Caesar!, 2016)

11.) [It’s the ’50s, and a Black family has just moved to an upper class white neighborhood] Beneatha (Sanaa Lathan), gleefully waving: “Howdy do, neighbors!” (A Raisin in the Sun, 2008)

10.) Anger, who’s a sentient portion of a preteen’s head (Lewis Black): “We should lock the door and scream that curse word we know. It’s a good one!” (Inside Out, 2015)

9.) William Burke (Colman Domingo), regarding white folks’ possessiveness of Black artistry: “They love what we make, but not us.” (Candyman, 2021)

8.) Sara (Ellen Burstyn), to her son, about appearing on a game show: “I’m somebody now, Harry. Everybody likes me. Soon, millions of people will see me and they’ll all like me. I’ll tell them about you, and your father, how good he was to us. Remember? It’s a reason to get up in the morning. It’s a reason to lose weight, to fit in the red dress. It’s a reason to smile. It makes tomorrow all right.” (Requiem for a Dream, 2000)

7.)[It’s the ’80s, and Robbie is serenading his engaged crush on a plane, assisted by the flight attendants and Billy Idol, who keep her angry fiancé at bay] Billy Idol: “How you doing, sir? Chicken or fish?” Glenn (Matthew Glave): “You better get out of my way, Billy. You’re gonna get hurt.” Billy Idol: “Oh yeah?” Large Billy Idol Fan (Al Burke): “Don’t you talk to Billy Idol that way!” (The Wedding Singer, 1998)

6.) Randall: “Well, that’s the story. So if your air conditioner goes on the fritz or your washing machine blows up or your video recorder conks out; before you call the repairman, turn on all the lights, check all the closets and cupboards, look under all the beds, cause you never can tell–there just might be a gremlin in your house.” (Gremlins, 1984) [I watched this movie as a young kid, and was fine until these last lines, which scared the crap out of me. My mom asked me to plug in the blow dryer shortly afterwards, and I absolutely refused.]

5.) Milo (Bill Hader), discussing the possibility of his sister and brother-in-law Lance (Luke Wilson) having kids: “I can’t wait to be the creepy gay uncle.” Lance, cheerfully oblivious to his tone: “You’re hired!” (The Skeleton Twins, 2014)

4.) Roebuck (Jeffrey Wright), regarding being gay in a bygone era: “You see, people may or may not be mildly threatened by your anger, your hatred, your pride. But, love the wrong way and you will find yourself in great jeopardy.” (The French Dispatch, 2021)

3.) Violet (Sanaa Lathan), to her mother Pauletta (Lynn Whitfield): “When I was ten, we went to some company picnic for Dad at some…park…and I jumped into the pool. Do you remember that?” Pauletta: “Oh Lord…” Violet: “My hair turned into a little fist, and all the kids were laughing at me. You yanked me out of the pool, shoved me into the car, and we left.” Pauletta: “And?” Violet: “I wonder who I would be if you had just hugged me and told me I was still beautiful. ” (Nappily Ever After, 2018)

2.) Pizza Delivery Guy (Stephen King): “Hey, this is some place, huh? Is it haunted?” Emery (Matt Ross): “Yeah, by ghosts of delivery men who asked too many stupid questions and never escaped.” (Rose Red, 2002)

1.) [Hal (Eddie Marsan), a rich middle-aged white dude, is aghast that Kayla (Iola Evans), a broke Black Gen Z-er, is the protagonist of the supernatural video game they’re playing] “Aren’t guys like me allowed to be the hero anymore? In the ’80s–” Kayla: “Fuck the ’80s!” (Choose or Die, 2022)

Author’s note: I have extensively relied on IMDb for help, both with dates and with some of the quotes.

Ever seen the American Film Institute’s list of movie quotes? Let me sum up: of the hundred, about 25 are Casablanca and Gone with the Wind. Most of the rest are from the other golden oldies that are revered by the writers of film studies textbooks; they may be well-made, but they’re also very much a reminder of how discriminatory Hollywood was in terms of race, gender, and sexual orientation. Though I give big ups for including Jaws, Psycho, and The Sixth Sense, the AFI’s selections just don’t speak to me, and if you’re on this site, perhaps they don’t speak to you, either. Though many of the movies I quote from aren’t horror, they are all delightful (the quotes, not necessarily the movies). After trying and failing to narrow down my own list to a slim ten squared, here is part eighteen. In no particular order (except the chronological order in which I wrote about these films in my movie journal):

25.) Johnny (Daniel Day-Lewis), to his boyfriend: “There ain’t nothing I can say to make it up to you. There’s only things I can do to show you that I am with you.” (My Beautiful Laundrette, 1985)

24.) Karen (Rebecca Hobbs), a psychologist interviewing a serial killer: “Who are the visitors?” Simon (Paolo Rotondo): “My victims.” Karen: “Your victims? And do they all come visiting together?” Simon: “All of them.” Karen: “Is it like a big picnic?” Simon: “Don’t fucking belittle me.” Karen: “Then stop trying to bullshit me. You’re being visited by a bunch of dead corpses? And you keep killing, so there’s more of them to harass you next time.” (The Ugly, 1997)

23.) [Lester (Jason Mewes) is filming a sex scene while drinking from a mug] “This is some damn good coffee!” (Zack and Miri Make a Porno, 2008)

22.) [Sol and his friends are filming a low-budget horror movie in his parents’ house] Sol’s mom (Jo Farkas): “Sol, dear, the neighbors want to know when you’re gonna stop screaming.” (Shock Value, 2014)

21.) “Can a person live without a jawbone?” “What do you think?” (Ju On: The Curse, 2000). [Not sure who says this in the movie; I didn’t write the speakers in my notes when I watched this thirteen years ago–I just found the paper in my old writing stuff.]

20.) Tony (Ralph Fiennes): “If I don’t get my money back by Monday, what I do to both your faces will definitely be Cubist!” (The Good Thief, 2002)

19.) [Dr. Loomis is on a talk show along with Weird Al Yankovic] David, the host (Chris Hardwick), to Loomis: “Now you’ve been criticized and in some circles, I gotta say outright accused, of profiteering off the misery of others–I mean, how do you even respond to that criticism?” Weird Al: “Well, you know, I think that’s completely unfounded, I always get permission when I do the parody.” (Halloween II, 2009)

18.) [Aron (James Franco) is stranded in the desert after he gets trapped under a rock, and is having a conversation with himself] Aron as talk show host: “Now is it true that despite or maybe because you’re a big fucking hard hero you didn’t tell anyone where you were going?” Aron, as himself: “Yeah, that’s absolutely correct.” Aron, as talk show host: “Anyone?” Aron, as himself: “Anyone.” Aron, as talk show host: “Oops.” (127 Hours, 2010)

17.) Dave (Chase Williamson): “Say you have an ax, just a cheap one from Home Depot. On one bitter winter day, you use said ax to behead a man. Don’t worry, the man’s already dead. Maybe you should worry, cause you’re the one who shot him. He’d been a big twitchy guy with veined skin stretched over swollen biceps, tattoo of a swastika on his tongue. And you’re chopping off his head because even with eight bullets in him, you’re pretty sure he’s about to spring back to his feet and eat the look of terror right off your face.” (John Dies at the End, 2012)

16.) Tip (Rihanna): “Pee break.” Oh (Jim Parsons): “I too needs to break pee.” (Home, 2015)

15.) Louis (Aiden Longworth): “Pascal made the mistake that all men make. He thought that because Mommy is so beautiful, then she must be good.” (The 9th Life of Louis Drax, 2016)

14.) Gidget (Jenny Slate), pummeling Ozone (Steve Coogan) for information: “Don’t look at him! Look at me! Nobody can help you! Where…is…Max?” Ozone: “Okay, okay! He’s in the sewers! He got taken! Please, have mercy, adorable puppy dog!” (The Secret Life of Pets, 2016)

13.) Sgt. Lucas (Yasiin Bey, AKA Mos Def), to Walter (Kevin Bacon), a convicted pedophile, describing a young murder victim who was violently sexually abused: “She was so small, just broken. I saw 20-year veterans on that job. Hard guys, they just broke down and cried. I was there, I cried. There ain’t no fucking woodsmen in this world.” (The Woodsman, 2004)

12.) Steven (Dylan Baker) is trying to discreetly bury a body in his yard, when he’s loudly interrupted by his son Billy (Connor Christopher Levins): “Daddy really has to finish the gardening. So go watch Charlie Brown, and I’ll be in in a minute.” Billy: “Charlie Brown’s an asshole!” Steven: “Billy Wilkins! Language!” [Resumes burying the body] (Trick ‘r Treat, 2007)

11.) Captain Sharp (Bruce Willis): “With all due respect, you can’t let your children stab people.” (Moonrise Kingdom, 2012)

10.) Hannibal (Ron Perlman) [having just forcibly extracted himself from a kaiju after being eaten by it] “Where is my goddamn shoe?” (Pacific Rim, 2013)

9.) Cam (Mark Ruffalo), to his daughters after they refuse to go boating with him: “Well, I guess I’ll just tell the Charles River to go fuck itself.” Amelia (Imogene Wolodarsky): “Well, I have heard the Charles River is a real asshole.” (Infinitely Polar Bear, 2014)

8.) Luz (Michelle Rodriguez): “I thought Machete don’t text.” Machete (Danny Trejo): “Machete loves everybody.” (Machete Kills, 2013)

7.) John (John C. Reilly), drunkenly calling himself an ogre: “What are you doing here in the forest with Shrek?” Molly (Marisa Tomei): “I was gonna pee in the bushes, and you took my spot.” (Cyrus, 2010)

6.) [Being chased by a crazed record executive] Aaron (Jonah Hill): “This is the longest hallway of all time!” Aldous (Russell Brand): “It’s Kubrickian!” (Get Him to the Greek, 2010)

5.) [It’s the 1950s, and most of the residents of a privileged neighborhood are aghast when a Black family moves in] Margaret: (Julianne Moore): “Honey, that Mayers family’s got a little boy your age up there on that porch. Why don’t you hop on over there and take him for baseball.” Nicky (Noah Jupe): “Mom, do I have to?” Rose (also Julianne Moore): “Don’t look at me.” Margaret: “Nicky! You take that little colored boy and play him some baseball.” (Suburbicon, 2017)

4.) Josefina (Giovanna Zacarías): “We are not in this life to be comfortable or to be satisfied.” (We Go On, 2016)

3.) Stefano (Eli Roth), directing a music video for a cheesy ’80s boy band: “I want you to look funky fresh.” (Rock of Ages, 2016)

2.) [Jody (Ashley Tisdale) and Kendra (Erica Ash) are in a cellar reading from the Necronomicon, unaware that it’s having an effect on the people in the cabin above them, causing them to become possessed, un-possessed, re-possessed, and eventually dismembered] David (Tyler Posey): “I’m gonna need a little help. I have to go to the bathroom. My penis is in the corner.” Eric (Shad Moss): “This is fucked up.” (Scary Movie 5)

1.) It’s the ’80s, and Ben (Alfred Molina), a doctor, is arguing with his brother Ned (Mark Ruffalo) about whether being gay is healthy or unhealthy and how to treat people with AIDS: “Agreeing that you were born just the same as I was born isn’t gonna save your dying friends.” Ned: “That is exactly what is going to save my dying friends!” (The Normal Heart, 2014)

Author’s note: I have extensively relied on IMDb for help, both with dates and with some of the quotes.