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‘Phone’: Eerie and Well-Made

Korean movie, AKA Pon. Ji Won (Ha Ji-Won) is a reporter who has just uncovered a sex scandal. Among her many current difficulties are threatening phone calls, both from a man involved in the scandal and a ghost, who tends to make a screechy noise that either kills people or seriously disturbs them. Ji Won’s niece Young Ju (Seo-woo Eun) accidentally hears the phone ghost, and becomes possessed by it. Ji Won does some digging, and discovers Jin Hee (Ji-yeon Choi), a teenage girl who previously had Ji Won’s phone number, has mysteriously disappeared. Ji Won has to figure out what happened to her before she becomes the next victim.

It’s well-written, pretty unpredictable, and even creepy at times. There are also plenty of gross-out moments—some quite brutal, like the opening, when a girl who also had Jin Hee’s number is killed in an elevator and breaks her fingernails off. I myself am freaked out by loose hair (a staple in many Asian horror movies), and when Ji Won finds a large bundle of wet hair, I actually gagged.

phone4 — Wet hair seems to be a consistent image system

There are a few funny moments despite the serious subject matter. I like the scene when Ji Won is getting settled in her friend’s house, where she’s hiding out from scandal guy; she sits down at the piano, cracks her knuckles, spreads her fingers, and plays “Chopsticks.” The expression on her face is blissful, as though she’s creating fine art. I’m also amused by the scene when (possessed) Young Ju and her mother Ho Jung (Kim Yu-Mi) are reading “Snow White.” Young Ju becomes angry at the concept of the rescue by the prince, calling it shit. All of the acting is decent, but my favorite performance is Seo-woo Eun as Young Ju; she’s not always 100% believable, but for a small child pretending to be possessed by a crazed teenage girl, she does a bang-up job.

phone5 — The face of evil was never so adorable

I’ll always remember this movie as the first foreign horror movie that my sister Leslie and I foisted on her bf Kevin; he had been previously put off by subtitles, but he came to really enjoy it. Give it a look if you’re in the mood for a slick, well-made thriller. Captions take some getting used to, but they’re worth it. Seriously, don’t be such a Young Ju.

phone3 — “I hate reading when I’m watching a movie, waaaahhhh!”

Don Coscarelli’s ‘Phantasm’: Jinkies, What a Great Movie!

Mike (A. Michael Baldwin) and Jody (Bill Thornbury) are brothers who have recently lost their parents. When Jody’s friend Tommy dies, they discover strange goings-on at the funeral home. Seems the proprietor, known only as the Tall Man (Angus Scrimm), is stealing corpses and reanimating them (and shrinking them, for some reason) so they can be his slaves on another planet. Thanks to their constant meddling, Jody, Michael, and their friend Reggie (Reggie Bannister) are next on his list.

phan4 — “Dink-dink, dink dink dink dink dink dink…”

When I see the plot written out, it sounds ludicrous. Indeed, it is rather silly. But my major complaint is that sometimes there doesn’t seem to be a unified plot—it seems like just a series of events; Jody and Michael go to the funeral home, they run away, they go back individually, they run away, etc. It would have made a dynamite episode of Scooby Doo if the Tall Man had been trying to scare them away from a diamond mine.

phan2 — “And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn’t for you meddling kids!”

However, the film has a number of saving graces. The score is eerie—there’s no trace of ‘70s dorkiness. The special effects are top-notch for 1979. Then there are the Tall Man’s silver balls—his weapons, that is. If you like gore, they’re pretty groovy; they fly around and attach themselves to a victim’s head and drill. There’s even a practical hole in the back to let out the consequent big spurt of blood. Last but not least is the scene that made #25 on Bravo’s 100 Scariest Movie Moments:

Despite not having seen this movie until a few years ago, I feel the same affection for Angus Scrimm as I do for the other horror movie actors I grew up watching (and crushing on) like Robert Englund and Tony Todd. Maybe it was the photo shoot he did with them a while back for Fangoria magazine. At any rate, he does a fine job. If you’ve seen it, keep loving it. If you haven’t seen it, check it out—it’s a classic.

phan3 — “You stole fizzy lifting drinks! You bumped into the ceiling, which now has to be washed and sterilized, so you get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir!”

Mary Lambert’s ‘Pet Sematary Two’: Dead Continues to Be Bettah

Jeff (Edward Furlong) is a teenage boy who has just lost his mother Renee (Darlanne Fluegel); he and his veterinarian father Chase (Anthony Edwards) relocate to Renee’s hometown of Ludlow, Maine (home also of the unfortunate Creed family from the original film). Once there, Jeff and his friend Drew (Jason McGuire) experiment with the unholy burial ground (for example bringing Jeff’s mother back) with less than desirable results. They too learn that dead is preferable.

pet2 — “Now that I’m a zombie I have so much time for home repairs!”

It’s one of the better sequels that came from a Stephen King adaptation (that’s a pretty low bar, however). Though it will never win film of the year, it avoids many of the pitfalls that sequels fall prey to: (1) No involvement from anyone associated with the first film (Mary Lambert returns to direct), (2) Having little or no plot links to the previous movie, (3) Deterioration of the first film’s system of rules. I also like how this one also answers the question of what would happen if someone who is already generally unpleasant—Drew’s stepfather Gus (Clancy Brown)—is buried in the pet cemetery: he goes through a brief zombie-ish happy state, and then turns even more evil. It’s fairly clean of lame jokes until the last twenty minutes or so, but even I (who hate one-liners) laughed when Jeff’s melting mother wails, “Your father and I are trying to work things out!”

This is the kind of movie that every time I see it, I notice something different. For example, Chase’s housekeeper Marjorie (Sarah Trigger) can be construed as gay. I was always under the impression that she’s out to get into Chase’s knickers, but then I took notice of the way she’s obsessed with Renee, fondling her dress around the crotch area, trying on her clothes, and styling her hair to look like her. She comes off as one of those unstable-woman-takes-over-another-woman’s-life-while-secretly-wanting-to-bang-her villains, like in Single White Female. Meanwhile, I’ve had five months of veterinary technician school since watching this movie last, and as such I could sit back and smugly take note of the mistakes that Chase makes. He uncaps a needle with his teeth (that’s day one stuff, man) and he hoists a heavy dog onto a table by himself (that’s fine if he wants to throw out his back), and he also slams the dog down pretty hard, which is counterproductive to not getting his face bitten off by a dog that is scared and in pain.

pet4 — “I am G’mork. I mean, woof woof!”

And then I have a series of other gripes: there’s the old cat-jumps-out-suddenly-to-startle-the-protagonist trick, and as often happens with King adaptations, there’s only one person in the entire town with a Maine accent. There’s the question of why Jeff brings his kitten to school with him; he keeps her in his jacket, which he apparently plans to do for the day—I guess he wants to fill his pockets with cat pee. There are the teenagers who are mean to the point of being supervillains; maybe they’re just angry because the best insult they can come up with for Jeff is “celebrity boy.” Then there’s the scene when Drew carries his dog all by himself (the same dog Chase had trouble lifting), even one-handed for a minute. It also amuses me that Gus is scornful of Jeff for having a cat because they’re “for girls,” but the guy raises bunnies. Overall, it’s not superior to the original, but it can stand on its own. Check it out if you’re in the mood for a passable sequel.

Wes Craven’s ‘The People Under the Stairs’: Campy with a Twist of Somberness

Fool (Brandon Quintin Adams) is a 13-year-old boy with major problems. His mom needs an operation, and because his family is three days late on the rent for their inner city apartment, they’re getting evicted. His sister’s friend Leroy (Ving Rhames) offers him a chance to make some money: break into the house of his landlords, who “deserve to be robbed.” They sure do, we find out. Upon entry, they discover that Man (Everitt McGill) and Woman (Wendy Robie) (that’s how they’re credited) have a deep dark secret. They’re in search of the perfect child, and will stop at nothing to get it. Their current experiment, Alice (A.J. Langer), befriends Fool, and tries to help him. Fool is left trying to escape the crazy white folks’ house with the money and his life.

peo4 — “With all that money I could buy a thousand leather hats and multicolored shirts!”

One of the most striking themes of the film is that appearances are deceiving. For example, the irony of Fool’s name; he’s far from stupid—he outwits Man and Woman several times. Then there’s Man and Woman’s house; it looks nice on the outside, but the inside is dirty and rotting. The same goes for Man and Woman themselves; on the outside they seem normal, but in reality are deeply unhinged—they have a cellar full of mangled children to prove it. There’s a scene when Fool calls Child Services on them, and they trick the police into thinking they’re loving parents. Then there’s the theme of the underdog coming out on top.

peo3 — “White folks get stranger all the time.”–actual quote, but not from this movie

Though it gets hard to watch at times because of the child abuse, overall, I don’t have any complaints about the movie; the acting is good, the plot makes sense, and it’s fairly original. I first saw this edited for TV, and I really don’t recommend that. There’s a good deal of swearing, and the editing is ridiculous. For example, “Shut the fuck up” becomes “Shut the face up.” Give it a look if you’re in the mood for horror and social commentary.

peo2 — ‘If he thinks I’m laundering that apron, he better shut the face up.’

‘Of Unknown Origin’: Robocop Fights Unkillable Rat–and it’s Delightful!

Bart (Peter Weller) is an average businessman. When his wife Meg (Shannon Tweed) and their son (Leif Anderson) go on a trip to visit relatives, he’s left alone—until a rat shows up. He tries multiple methods to get rid of it, but since the animal is some kind of evil rat genius, poison, traps, and even a cat fail to deter it. It comes down to a battle of wills between Bart and his unwelcome guest.

I disliked Of Unknown Origin the first time I saw it as a teenager, when I had rats as pets. I was highly offended at the negative portrayal of them (and the annoying high-pitched squeals rats always make in movies that sound nothing like an actual rat). I felt differently when I watched it recently, now that I‘m more capable of seeing the finer points of the movie. And though I still like rats, I have to admit they’re smelly and pee constantly. On my second viewing, I really liked Bart. He’s established right away as a loving husband and father (which has become more important to me after having a child of my own), and he’s also fairly chipper through the whole ordeal, even as he becomes wildly unstable.

There seems to be a theme of Bart becoming a modern primitive. He goes from a privileged capitalist who renovated his own house to the loony destroyer of said house, reversing his years of training as a civilized person. The rat not only breaks down his mind, it destroys his stuff, his wealth—it even puts his job in danger as Bart’s behavior becomes more erratic. The film may be suggesting that he has grown too soft and complacent to battle the rat effectively until he loses touch with his old way of life.

or3 — Seen here post-glasses but pre-tie removal

It’s a lot more dramatic than scary, though there are some creepy moments, like a close-up shot of the rat’s eyes. It does present the notion that “A rat is a survivor”—it’s very hard to kill. It’s also an eating machine, gnawing a trap and even a cat. It’s a tense watch, as we can never tell what Bart will do next, or what new fiendishness the rat can come up with. Check it out if you’re in the mood for a villain that’s debatably kinda cute.

Robert Englund’s ‘976-EVIL’: A Kinda Creepy ’80s movie with Just the Right Amount of Cheese

Directed by Robert Englund. Hoax (Stephen Geoffreys) is a nerdy teen whose obsessively religious mother (Sandy Dennis) babies him. His rebellious (but protective) cousin Spike

evil4 — “Listen, your clothes…you’re just asking to become possessed by demons.”

(Patrick O’Bryan) discovers a hotline that delivers a “horrorscope”—couplets that generally urge people to do bad things, such as when Spike is told to steal a pair of gloves he wants and can’t afford: “A real man has the nerves to take what he deserves.” Spike is able to resist, but Hoax is drawn in by the chance to get revenge on the bullies at school. Meanwhile, reporter Marty (Jim Metzler) and his acquaintance Angela (María Rubell) are trying to figure out what’s going on. They team up with Spike to fight a now completely demonized (while retaining his wardrobe of sweater-vests) Hoax and send him to hell.

evil2 — “My chest is cold, but my arms aren’t!”

The film was a bit more relevant back in 1988, when people had hotlines for everything and used pay phones frequently. But it’s still true that phones are everywhere. It’s not too corny, as ‘80s movies go. There are a few disturbing moments, like when a boatload of tarantulas come out of a TV dinner and attack. The one-liners are even kinda funny, like when Hoax has killed two bullies and while brandishing their organs approaches their friends, who are playing cards: “Would it be possible to enter the game with a pair of hearts?”

I appreciate that Hoax uses a point-down pentagram for his satanic rituals; most filmmakers (particularly in older movies) use point-up, which is really insulting to Wiccans—it’s like the difference between a right-side-up and upside-down cross to Christians. My gripes are few: Marty and Angela are pretty much useless and detract from the main story, and I grew bored with the long, drawn-out ending. But overall I enjoy it. Give it a look if you’re in the mood for something goofy but gory.

‘The Bat’: Dreamboat Vincent Price and Badass Women–Supermurgitroid!

Cornelia (Agnes Moorehead) is a mystery writer living with her maid Lizzie (Lenita Lane). The two are menaced by what appears to be the killer known as The Bat. Unbeknownst to Cornelia there is a large sum of money hidden in her house, and the killer is now coming after it.

The aspect of the film that sticks out the most to me is that Cornelia can be construed as gay. Lizzie has been her maid for twenty years, and is fiercely protective of her. The two of them are both childless, nor is there any mention of men in their lives. If Lizzie is only Cornelia’s maid, why do they spend so much time together (honestly, who brings their maid to the bank with them?), why is she never seen doing maid-ly duties, and why does Cornelia also have a housekeeper? There’s no real love interest presented to the ladies, except possibly Malcolm (Vincent Price), though he may be off the market too—our first glimpse of Malcolm shows him alone in the woods with another man while wearing an apron.

bat2 — They’re clearly both really into this

Interestingly, both Moorehead and Price were widely suspected of being queer in real life. Gay, heterosexual, or whatever, Cornelia (and to a lesser extent Lizzie) is a tough, brave, resourceful woman. When she realizes The Bat is in her house, she calmly sets booby traps, letting the guy know “I have a gun and I know how to use it.” She’s all you could ask for and more in a 1959 heroine.

Overall, it’s entertaining and not too melodramatic for the ‘50s. If you’re in the mood for an era when women slept in a nightgown and high heels, fix your peepers on this and you’ll have it made in the shade.

Nightmares in Red, White and Blue: The Evolution of the American Horror Film–The Title Says it All

Documentary of American horror movies. It features interviews with horror fixtures Larry Cohen, Joe Dante, John Carpenter, Darren Lynn Bousman, Mick Garris, Tom McLaughlin, George A, Romero, Brian Yuzna, and Roger Corman.

Starting in 1910 with Thomas Edison’s adaptation of Frankenstein, it ponders the many meaningful themes explored in horror movies, like the nature of evil, class issues, villains and humanity, the “naked ugliness of violence,” and “middle-class America’s shattered dreams.” The films are also analyzed in a historical context, for example WWI and II, the Depression, and September 11th. Of course, the question of why people like horror movies is addressed. Also examined are MPAA standards of monsters having to be destroyed by the end of the movie and movies becoming gradually gorier with modernity. In addition, they discuss horror films moving to the mainstream.

There is a lot to enjoy here. It can be hard to find serious discourse on horror movies, but in this film a number of big names in the genre discuss the films in an intellectual way. I like that Disney movies, those scare-mongers, are examined. My favorite title card: “Freddy vs. Reagan.” On the negative side, it highlights the negative clichés about horror movies with a montage of boobs and slaughter. It’s also pretty heavy on plot summary. I feel the filmmakers tried to do way too much in 96 minutes.

But all in all it’s always refreshing to see an analysis of horror movies; it’s deep but accessible to those without a degree in film. It doesn’t add much to the historical viewpoint—it’s fairly common knowledge that Big Bug movies were a reflection of America’s anxiety about atomic weapons. I would have liked to see more connections to 9/11—that’s new. Give it a look for an entertaining view of American horror movies.

Wes Craven’s ‘Deadly Friend’: It’s All Fun and Games Until Someone’s Cranium Explodes

Paul (Matthew Labyorteaux) is a super-smart teenage boy whose best friend is a robot named BB (voiced by Charles Fleischer). Upon his move to a new town, he makes friends with his next-door neighbor Sam (Kristy Swanson). When Sam’s abusive father throws her down a flight of stairs she ends up on life support, which she’s soon unplugged from. Paul gets the brilliant idea of giving her BB’s brain and bringing her back to life. Alas, soon Sam is an uncontrollable revenge-taking machine, turning on anyone who ever hurt her or Paul.

I first saw this as a child, and the tongue-in-cheek quality of the movie was lost on me. There’s the bully who laughs evilly and shouts, “I’ll get you!” Then there’s the cranky neighbor (Anne Ramsay–yes, the evil lady from The Goonies) who catches a basketball from Sam, which causes the old bat’s head to blow up for some reason. (It’s never explained in the film how a chip in Sam’s brain gives her super strength.)

dead4 — “Your basketball skills blow my mind!”

The tone is all over the place; at times it feels like a goofy ’80s romantic comedy with a robot, but it does have plenty of somber moments, particularly the child abuse scenes, and an episode or two of eeriness. Swanson gives a great creepy performance as a dead girl resurrected—reminiscent of Max Schreck in Nosferatu. She doesn’t even blink. Give it a look if you’re in the mood for some mid-’80s Wes Craven.

dead3 — “No disassemble BB and put brain in Sam!”

Clive Barker’s ‘Nightbreed’: A Bloody Fairy Tale

Written and directed by Clive Barker, adapted from his story. Boone (Craig Sheffer) is a seemingly nice guy who during a therapy session with his psychiatrist Dr. Decker (David Cronenberg) finds out that while under hypnosis he confessed to killing fifteen people. Boone flees to the mythical town of Midian, where the monsters live and all sins are forgiven. The tribe of shape-shifters there realizes he’s innocent and turns him away. Decker betrays him, resulting in Boone being shot to death. He is then accepted in Midian, but again finds trouble when his (very human and innocent) girlfriend Lori (Anne Bobby) comes looking for him. Meanwhile Decker is hunting for Midian, and getting local law enforcement involved. It culminates in a battle royale between the Nightbreed, the cops, and a priest.

The cast is amazing. Cronenberg especially is really creepy. Hellraiser fans should be happy, given that the movie features Doug Bradley (Pinhead), Simon Bamford (Butterball Cenobite), and Nicholas Vince (Chatterer Cenobite) as Nightbreed.

I have a small amount of gripes. There’s one set that’s clearly a painting. I remarked to my sister Leslie, who was watching it with me at the time, that they seemed to have spent most of their budget on Cronenberg. She joked that Doug Bradley must have worked for Cheetos. As per usual for early ‘90s movies, the makeup is awesome, but the puppetry and special effects are less than spectacular.

But look at this gorgeous shot composition! And the lighting is exquisite!

Fans of Barker in general will recognize and be pleased with his strong sympathy for the monsters rather than the normal folk, who are almost all villains, from Decker to the corrupt cops and the unhinged priest. The moral seems to be, to quote Leslie, “Idiots shouldn’t breed, and monsters should.”

Overall, I wholeheartedly endorse it. Check it out if you’re in the mood for something beautiful and thought-provoking yet retro and fun.