GhoulieJoe

Ernest R. Dickerson’s ‘Bones’ is Haunting and Gritty

Snoop Dogg is Jimmy Bones, who, back in the ‘70s, was his neighborhood godfather (or doggfather, as the case may be). He’s betrayed and killed in his home by his greedy business partner Jeremiah (Clifton Powell), drug dealer Eddie (Ricky Harris), and crooked cop Lupovich (Michael T. Weiss), while his girlfriend Pearl (Pam Grier) is forced to watch. Then like a bunch of smarties they bury him under the house. Twenty-two years later, Jeremiah’s children Patrick (Khalil Kain), Bill (Merwin Mondesir), and Tia (Katharine Isabelle) buy the house, planning to turn it into a club. Too bad Bones comes back from the dead for revenge; maggots raining from the ceiling can’t be good for business.

Plus the people in the walls are probably pretty noisy

One of the things that strikes me most about the movie is its portrayal of race and class. Jimmy’s house is square in the middle of Desolation Row, and he has no dreams of leaving; he wants to stay and help his community from the inside, by doing stuff like giving kids money for ice cream and keeping drugs away. Jeremiah on the other hand is motivated to kill Bones because he can’t wait to get out of his neighborhood and forget he was ever there. He adopts the lifestyle that white men covet: materialistic, with a house in the suburbs and a (white) wife. In the scene when Jimmy comes to get him, Jeremiah’s reaction is not astonishment that he’s reanimated, but an indignant “How did you get in here?” He’s horrified by his children being involved with Bones’s house because he could be implemented in the murder, but he’s also upset they want to move into the ghetto.

Then again, maybe he’s got a solid argument there

Also notable is the film’s creepiness. Bones’s house is host to the city of the dead, which looks like it was designed by H. R. Giger: masses of disembodied heads and limbs screaming out for help. It puts forth the notion that that’s what the afterlife is like—for everyone. Also, while Snoop has his moments of questionable acting, his angry face is enough to take one aback. The movie isn’t cheapened by its moments of humor or one-liners (most of which are more like slogans, like “Dog eat dog”) except when Eddie is killed—he turns into a regular stand-up comedian. Otherwise I’m very taken with the movie. This is the third or fourth time I’ve seen it, and it still disturbs me.

I’ve watched many a horror movie with my baby daughter Layla in the room, without qualms. But I couldn’t help but feel guilty when one of the first sights to greet her upon waking from a nap was a dog vomiting insects. It’s gory and thought-provoking, yet entertaining.

2001’s ‘Blood Moon’ (AKA ‘Wolf Girl’) is Sad but Satisfying

Tara (Victoria Sanchez) is a teenager in a traveling carnival show; she’s the Wolf Girl, being as she was born with hypertrichosis, making her hairy all over. She’s targeted by four mean kids, led by Krystal (Shelby Fenner) and Beau (Shawn Ashmore). She meets Ryan (Dov Tiefenbach), a boy whose mother (Lesley Ann Warren) is conveniently developing a drug for hair removal. He injects Tara with it, which makes her act gradually more feral. Though her hair is falling out, Tara’s becoming a beast personality-wise. Despite the side effects, Tara is determined to shed her fur at any cost.

bm3 — “Just a little off the back and sides.”

When critics say Ginger Snaps is the only original werewolf movie to come out in the early 2000s, I assume they haven’t seen this one. It also has the whole werewolfery-as-symbol-for-puberty thing, and it’s also touching and thought-provoking, asking who the real monsters are. Tara’s carnival folks are a family to her; they’re all kind and caring. Tara is much more likable as a hairy but sweet girl than a snarling PMS monster. When the townspeople form an angry mob and come after Tara (a la Frankenstein, torches and all), the answer is clearer than ever.

Great performances abound, especially the carnival performers (including Tim Curry, Grace Jones, and Darlene Cates)—their musical numbers and stunts are captivating. Even the protagonists are complex and driven to be fuckwits because of their own hidden perceived flaws: Beau has a tiny penis and Krystal is gay. (I’m assuming she’s closeted, or at least terrible at flirting; when she meets a shorn Tara and doesn’t recognize her, she mumbles that Tara is pretty and tries to kiss her. She’s barking up the wrong tree—she doesn’t want that kind of tail, hee hee hee.) Overall, it’s pretty good watchin. Give it a look if you wish Carrie had been a werewolf.

Looking at this image with 2022 eyes, it’s pretty shocking to remember that this character’s entire carnival act is that she performs as half man, half woman

‘The Blair Witch Project’ is Dirty, Raw, and Original

Heather (Heather Donahue), Josh (Joshua Leonard), and Mike (Michael C. Williams) are making a documentary about the mysterious Blair Witch. They misplace their map and get lost in the woods. Meanwhile, they’re hearing weird noises, and someone is leaving behind odd items like stick figures and piles of rocks. As the situation becomes steadily more hopeless, their tempers flare and food runs low. When one of them disappears, their only option is to keep looking for a way out.

This is the movie that made famous the found footage technique, and is well-known for the erratic camera movement making people sick. Viewers were also angry with its subtlety, which is best captured in an episode of Family Guy when Brian relates what’s happening to a blind viewer: “Okay, they’re, they’re in the woods. The camera keeps on moving. Uh, I think they’re looking for a witch or something. I don’t know, I wasn’t listening. Nothing’s happening… Nothing’s happening…Something about a map…Nothing’s happening…It’s over. A lot of people in the audience look pissed.”

I first saw the movie in the theatre when I was sixteen, and I was disappointed and confused. I had many a conversation with my friend Hope about what actually happens in the movie and also what the filmmakers could possibly have spent $60,000 on. But twelve years later I can better appreciate the film for veering away from the typical Hollywood monster movie. It’s a little frustrating to not have a straight answer about what the witch is or does, but it’s also scarier that way.

bw4 — I *can* tell you this isn’t a guy peeing

Aside from all that, worth noting is all the eerie stuff you do see, like a bundle of Josh’s hair and teeth, and the house with dozens of child-size handprints on the wall. I can appreciate that it’s a study of people going crazy rather than a monster movie; the performances are amazing. I also enjoy the lack of romantic subplot—if Stephen King had written this, Heather and one of the guys would have hooked up just to relieve the tension. The film manages to be scary without gore or a CGI monster (if not for the profuse swearing, the film would likely be PG-13), which is worthy of respect in my book. And others agree: it made #30 on Bravo’s 100 Scariest Movie Moments.

bw2 — The scariest part: WHO WILL CLEAN THIS?!?!

I myself had no problem with the camera work, but I had a hard time following the dialogue, with the characters regularly incoherent with panic and shouting over each other—thankfully it’s close-captioned. (I love also how the captions try to convey the odd happenings: “distant whispering voices,” “eerie hooting,” and “agonized shouts.”) I don’t see why Heather’s apology scene is mocked so; it’s convincing and creepy—though I could definitely do without seeing up her nose.

bw3 — If I can’t unsee it, you can’t either!

All in all, it’s depressing, scary, and atmospheric. I couldn’t go straight to bed after watching it. Give it a look if you’re in the mood for a trailblazing contemporary classic.

‘Blade II’ is Chock Full of Action and Gore

Blade (Wesley Snipes), the half-vampire/half-human vampire hunter, takes a break from staking when he accepts a truce from the Vampire Nation. It seems there’s an anomaly causing the bloodsuckers to mutate into drooling Venus-flytrap-faced lunatics that are deadly to the un-mutated. Along with his human associates Scud (Norman Reedus) and Whistler (Kris Kristofferson), who magically returns from the dead, Blade reluctantly joins forces with a crack team of vampires.

I first saw Blade II in the theatre only because my boyfriend at the time dragged me. I found it boring at the time. On my most recent viewing, I liked it more—though I’m biased now, being a fan of director Guillermo del Toro. I also enjoy Ron Perlman, who plays Blade’s grudging ally Reinhardt. While it’s not movie of the year material, there’s plenty to recommend it. It’s not entirely predictable. It’s pretty original for a vampire movie, like Scud’s method of undead surveillance: an alarm system that measures body temperature and thus alive-ness.

I have a small handful of gripes. My biggest complaint is Snipes’s performance—he tends to overdo the cool guy act. I do wonder why Blade is the only human/vampire hybrid. Also, the CGI is laughably bad, even for 2002. It reminds me of the death reenactments on 1000 Ways to Die. However, the stunt-work is impressive, and the fight scenes are well-choreographed (though they get tedious at times when they’re dragged out).

Although Blade has a potential love interest in Nyssa (Leonor Varela) the sexy vampire, I can’t help but feel there are homoerotic undertones throughout the film. For example the relationship between Blade and Whistler, with Blade promising to get him “whatever you need,” and Whistler replying, “I need you!”

Dudes just can’t keep their hands off him!

I like this movie a little better every time I watch it. Check it out if you’re in the mood for vampires and lots of blood.

‘Bitter Feast’ is Sharp and Darkly Funny

Peter (James LeGros) is the host of his own cooking show, and also the chef at a chic gourmet restaurant. He focuses on organic, sustainable ways of eating, for example cooking a deer he killed and butchered himself. Unfortunately his technique doesn’t garner enough ratings, and Peter loses the show and his upcoming line of cookware. Add to this recipe a bad review of his restaurant by infamous mean food critic J.T. Franks (Joshua Leonard) and Peter, who had been pretty unstable since childhood, goes off the deep end. He kidnaps Franks and chains him up, planning a “rehabilitation”. When this fails to break him, Peter kidnaps Franks’s wife Katherine (Amy Seimetz), whom he has a nasty gustatory surprise for.

bf2 — So that’s what the Blair Witch did with him!

I think one of the most striking things about Bitter Feast is the lack of likable characters. Peter is a loony, arrogant sadist. (However, I do have a grudging admiration for his hardcore devotion to being green.) Franks is a failed writer who takes out his bitterness on everyone around him, particularly Katherine. Other characters include Coley (genre icon Larry Fessenden), a sleazy private investigator who breaks into Peter’s house and eats out of his fridge, and Peter’s annoying costar Peg (Megan Hilty). Katherine, though she gets more interesting towards the end of the movie, is pretty devoid of personality.

bf4 — Just look at this pretentious asshole!

The film can be quite gory at times. There is a lot of blood and more than one shot of dead animal pieces (and a skinned rabbit). But there are some wonderfully subtle touches as well, like a scene before the kidnapping when Peter is standing at his kitchen counter labeling a series of locks. We don’t know what they’re for yet, but it can’t be nice.

bf3 — “Now my review. J.T. Franks is a worthless cunt who doesn’t deserve to live. The end!”–actual quote

I almost always hate horror movie dialogue that attempts to be funny, but with this film I enjoy the occasional, tasteful one-liners. Also comical to me is a cameo by TV chef Mario Batali, who lets fly a string of f-bombs he’d never be able to get away with on Food Network. The film crosses the line from horror to dark humor well, a process that many films in the genre botch. Give it a look if you’re in the mood for something intense but amusing.

1972’s ‘Ben’ is Surprisingly Heartwarming for a Film about Killer Rats

Danny (Lee Montgomery) is a lonely young boy with heart problems. When he befriends a wild rat, his mother and older sister are disturbed by his choice of companion, especially when Ben and his fellow rodents attack a boy who bullied Danny. Eventually Ben and his gang do so much damage to the town that the police get involved, but Danny won’t give up his friend.

I first saw Ben when I was about Danny’s age. It has a bit of nostalgia factor for me, especially since Ben looks like my own childhood pet rat. It’s not necessarily inappropriate for children, as there is little in the way of swearing or gore–it’s actually PG. There are goofy scenes like Danny putting on a puppet show and singing. (My husband, who was sitting next to me on his computer, asked me if it was a comedy.) That said, I’m not sure how I sat through it as a kid, because as an adult I found it pretty boring; I spent a good portion of the movie texting my friend Harold and watching Mortal Kombat babalities. I wish it would focus more on Danny and his family and less on cops and random people being startled by a mob of rats.

ben3 — I guess that’s how I missed when Michael Jackson became king of the rats

Despite my gripes, I don’t think it’s poorly made. There are some thought-provoking and creepy plot points, like the fact that there are more rats than people in the world. Also, Ben is a pretty sympathetic character—he defends Danny and makes him happy. Too bad he’s such a pest. If you’re in the mood for cute rats and realistic sound effects (movies often exaggerate the squeaking noises rats make) check this one out.

1992’s ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ is Funny and Entertaining–to the Max!

Not to be confused with the TV show of the same name; this is the film that the show sprang from. Buffy (Kristy Swanson) is a vapid cheerleader whose biggest responsibility is choosing a theme for the upcoming school dance. Then she meets Merrick (Donald Sutherland), who informs her that she’s the latest incarnation in an ancient line of vampire slayers. Before long she’s having a training montage, doing flips, and staking vampires like nobody’s business. Meanwhile, she’s falling for Pike (Luke Perry), whose best friend Benny (David Arquette) has just been converted to a creature of the night. Together Buffy and Pike go up against vampire Lothos (Rutger Hauer) and his boyfriend–er, first in command Amilyn (Paul Reubens), before they drain the whole town.

This movie invokes waves of nostalgia for me. I watched it regularly as a child with my mother and my sister Leslie. I’m still mildly tickled when Pike outwits a vampire by shouting, “Look! Air!” then punching him. (My new favorite quote is spoken by Amilyn: “You ruined my new jacket. Kill him a lot!”) I still find the film funny overall; the extreme datedness only adds to the humor.

Something I appreciate as a more mature viewer is Buffy and Pike’s relationship—they’re equals. Buffy saves Pike’s life (e.g. his butt), then he helps her—there’s an “exchange of butts,” as Pike puts it. Their equality is further illustrated when they’re at the dance. Pike says, “I suppose you want to lead.” “No,” Buffy replies. “Me neither.” But Buffy is also very much a badass, for example when she flips a classmate for groping her. Interestingly the movie poster shows Buffy kneeling with a stake in her hand, and Pike hiding behind her, peeking over her shoulder. I also find it amusing that once she hits Merrick in self-defense she finds she has a taste for violence. And look, Hilary Swank and Ben Affleck!

The Valley Girl cliché gets old after a while, but writer Joss Whedon is partially making a statement about willful ignorance in society, calling the setting “California: The Lite Ages.” Buffy’s classmates are clueless about the simplest aspects of environmentalism: “What do you think about the ozone layer?” “Yeah, we gotta get rid of that.” Buffy’s parents are also lax and inattentive, leaving her alone (and getting into trouble with her boyfriend) consistently throughout the film. (And in order to combat that ignorance, everyone should start doing gymnastics and throwing stakes. Yeah, that sounds right, I think that’s what Whedon’s stressing here.)

Stakes and colorful Spandex for everyone, that’s what I always say.

It’s pretty original for a vampire movie. Check it out if you’re in the mood for old school rather than emo vampires.

‘B.T.K.’ is a Fascinating Look at a Real-life Killer

Dennis Rader (Kane Hodder) is a seemingly mild-mannered government worker who gets urges to murder people, so he promptly does. The film shows his spiral of compulsion, murder, and finally his capture.

In the roughly bazillion movies about real-life serial killers, this one stands out to me. Not just because for once Hodder (best known for playing Jason Voorhees in Friday the 13th parts 7-X) is playing a mortal killer with a voice and a face (he’s actually a good little actor), but because instead of just focusing on a lone wolf and his murders, a goodish chunk of the movie shows the effect Rader’s actions have on his wife and two teenage daughters. What strikes me the most is the continuous irony about Rader’s life. He’s a compliance officer, meaning he gets paid to make sure people follow the law. He’s a Boy Scout leader, a bible studies teacher, and the president of his church.

“Being nice is a lot easier than being mean”–actual quote

While the film is far from a sensitive piece about a troubled man (there’s oodles of blood and guts), it’s far from a gorefest of cowering women. One isn’t supposed to understand or feel sorry for him (he’s a crappy dad and husband as well as a monumental hypocrite), but there are glimpses of him as a normal person. It’s serious, thoughtful, and honestly a bit depressing. Check it out if you’re a fan of the genre or of Hodder.

Five Things I Have to Grudgingly Concede About the 1997 Remake of ‘The Shining’

Of course it’s blasphemy to say that the remake of The Shining is superior to Stanley Kubrick’s original, but there are still some things to like about it. I’m working on a writing project about horror movies and parenting, and I’m writing a sub-section about psychotic parents. I tried to use the original, but Jack Nicholson’s Jack Torrance evokes no modicum of sympathy on my part; I’m trying to discuss how good parents can go bad, but Nicholson’s Jack is a terrible man with a terrified wife and a deeply traumatized son. I found the remake much easier to work with.

Plus there are these features:

1. Courtland Mead is a hell of an actor. I grew up watching him on some sitcom, I think it had Kirk Cameron, and I used to think of him as “that kid who can’t close his mouth.” But Danny Torrance is a demanding role, and Mead kills it. He’s likable and skillfully gets across the angst and disappointment and fear Danny feels.

2. Cynthia Garris can be creepy when she wants to. I bear a grudge against directors who cast the same actors over and over, especially when said actor is a spouse. Mick Garris almost always puts his wife in his movies, which irks me. However, Cynthia is actually pretty scary as the lady in Room 217.

3. The character development is handled much more gracefully than in the original. As I said, and many others have said, Jack Nicholson’s Jack Torrance starts out crazy and horrible and just gets more so. Steven Weber’s Jack is a bit more sympathetic, and Weber conveys much better a flawed but overall decent man who suffered abuse and can’t get past it.

4. Wendy is much more compelling than in the original. Rebecca DeMornay’s Wendy is a fighter, a woman who always puts her son first. Shelley Duvall’s Wendy is a broken woman who has barely anything going on in the personality department.

5. The cameos are a little over the top, but still pretty cool. There’s Stephen King himself, Sam Raimi, Shawnee Smith, Frank Darabont, Richard Christian Matheson, and David J. Schow.

The ending, though…the ending makes me wanna slap somebody.

Five Songs That Make Me Shake My Head at the Narrators

This is a piece I wrote a while back and finally got around to doing my final polish.

Many songs involve an unreliable or unlikable narrator whom the listener isn’t supposed to trust or like. For example Dave Matthews Band’s “Don’t Drink the Water,” which describes the horrors of colonialism through the eyes of someone who thinks the land is his to take. Some songs, however, feature narrators who believe they’re right, and the song is meant to elicit sympathy or corroboration on the part of the listener—and they shouldn’t.

1. Magic!—“Rude.”
The song: “Rude” concerns a young man confronting his beloved’s father, who straight up hates him. The narrator asks the man for his daughter’s hand in marriage, and he is cruelly rebuffed: “You say I’ll never get your blessings ‘till the day I die/Tough luck my friend, but the answer is no.”
I empathize: The narrator makes a good case for himself: “Why you gotta be so rude/Don’t you know I’m human, too.” On that basis, it’s easy to feel sorry for the guy. He tried to take the polite route, and was mocked for his trouble. Also, the music video implies that Dad’s distaste is based on class or race (or likely both), given that the narrator is neither wealthy nor white.
However: As a teenager I would have eaten this song up, seeing it as romantic and sweet. Yet as a mother (of a daughter, no less), I am affronted by the narrator’s opening gambit: “Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life/Say yes, say yes, ‘cause I need to know.” Not only is he asking to take and keep the man’s daughter, he’s damn bossy, too. After Dad’s “no” he threatens to “marry her anyway.” Then comes his next sally, which is decidedly more hostile: “I hate to do this/You leave me no choice […] We will run away/To another galaxy you know/You know she’s in love with me/She will go anywhere I go.” Not only is he manipulating her love for him, he’s saying if Dad doesn’t play ball, they’ll just disappear and he’ll never see her again. With a threat like that, he might even be able to get Dad to pay for the wedding.

2. “Love’s the Only House”—Martina McBride
The song: The narrator discusses the many problems in the world today and how love can fix said problems.
I empathize: I’m a Buddhist, and I heartily endorse the sentiment that “Love’s the only house big enough for all the pain in the world.”
However: There are so many places where the narrator comes across as smug, condescending, and even racist: “Senorita can’t quit crying, baby’s due now any day/Don Juan left, got sick of tryin’, no one there to show him the way.” As if this weren’t enough, the “senorita” goes to the store to beg for milk, and who should buy the milk but our humble narrator. One can only hope she goes home with the lass to teach her how to act right. Or maybe she’ll go home secure in her knowledge that her wonderful gesture helped save the world.

3. “How Do You Like Me Now?!”—Toby Keith
The song: This song describes an up-and-coming singer so excited about his success that he wants to contact a high school acquaintance he had an unrequited crush on and point out how well he’s doing.
I empathize: Everyone loves a good revenge story. And apparently she was snobby and vain: “You overlooked me somehow/Besides you had too many boyfriends to mention/And I played my guitar too loud.”
However: Again, as a teenager (and outcast) I would have loved the idea of the spoiled girl getting her comeuppance. But as an adult who has left her teenage years far behind, I don’t blame people for how they acted when they were young and stupid. Not to mention that he sounds like he was a jerk to her: “You were always the perfect one and the valedictorian so/Under your number I wrote, ‘Call for a good time.’” True, he heard a rumor that she made fun of him for pursuing his dream of being a performer, but the narrator takes his butt-hurt a little too far when he gloats about the mean guy she ended up marrying: “He took your dreams and tore them apart/He never comes home and you’re always alone/And your kids hear you cryin’ down the hall” (this last is followed by an upbeat musical break). The narrator sounds a little like he’s not all there in the mental health department; it’s probably a good thing she stayed away from him.

4. “Breakin’ Dishes”—Rihanna
The song: “Breakin’ Dishes” is a catchy little tune about a spurned woman getting revenge by making a mess.
I empathize: Being cheated on is a devastating betrayal. Who doesn’t enjoy the scene in Waiting to Exhale when Angela Bassett’s character torches her philandering husband’s car?
However: The narrator sounds pretty unhinged. “I’m breaking dishes up in here, all night/I ain’t gon’ stop until I see police lights/I’ma fight a man tonight.” She also amuses herself by burning his clothes. Infidelity is nothing to trivialize, and since he’s “been coming home lately at 3:30” he probably is cheating, but the narrator doesn’t actually have concrete evidence: “Is he cheating/Man, I don’t know.” Yet that doesn’t stop her from “looking ‘round for something else to throw.” So instead of confronting her boyfriend, she’s instigating a fight, and based on what we know about her he’s probably going to get the crap beaten out of him. And possibly set on fire.

5. “The Saga of Jesse Jane”—Alice Cooper
The song: Jesse is a man who enjoys wearing women’s clothing, in this instance a wedding dress. He is currently serving time for killing a man who accosted him in a McDonald’s.
I empathize: I’ve listened to the song many times, and I was always on Jesse’s side. Again, teenager, outcast, etc. I’m no fan of homophobia or attacking people who look different. I hate bullying.
However: Here’s Jesse’s description of the event: “His face was red, his fist was clenched/He threw his Coke and he got me drenched.” That is the entirety of the altercation. Jesse retaliates: “I killed him dead, I killed ‘em all.” Not only does Jesse murder a man for throwing a soda at him, he wastes everyone in the restaurant for looking at him funny. Hate crimes are no joke, but shooting people is not the answer.

When my writin’ friends who helped me edit this piece asked me how I found these songs, I had to admit I own all these albums (except Magic!). Despite the songs irking me, I still enjoy the majority of their body of work (except Magic!).