Trans woman Samantha Allen describes the process of changing her gender while in graduate school: “Estrogen is not made of sugar and spice. In pill form, it is synthesized from two decidedly unsexy ingredients: soy and yams. But that’s only fitting because, when I first started taking prescription estradiol in the fall of 2012, I felt like a yam: ugly, hairy, and awkwardly shaped. […] I fantasized about meeting a sexy someone in the archives and spending long afternoons admiring each other’s, um, research before sneaking off to make love in the stacks. But who was going to look at a gross yam like me and see a juicy peach, ripe for the picking? […] I was one week into my research when she showed up–a college senior with a grant from the City College of New York to come here and study feminist pornography. I didn’t know that from the start, of course; I felt too gross even to say hi to her, although we were often alone together in the institute’s cramped third-floor reading room. But I knew from glancing at her that she was gorgeous, that she bit her lip when she was concentrating, and that, if she had decided to come here, we must have a few common interests. We spent three silent days together in that room. But then, as I left to go back to my rented basement apartment on the third afternoon, Corey followed me into the elevator. I may have been a yam, but she wanted to eat me up. I felt gross. I said hi anyway.”
I don’t normally do two quotes per book, but I could not resist this one:
“If you had told me when I came out as transgender five years ago that I would one day sit inside a Baptist church in Waco, Texas, I would ask you who had kidnapped me.”
–Samantha Allen–Real Queer America: LGBT Stories from Red States
” ‘Let me tell you about love, that silly word you believe is about whether you like somebody or whether somebody likes you or whether you can put up with somebody in order to get something or someplace you want or you believe it has to do with how your body responds to another body like robins or bison or maybe you believe love is how forces or nature or luck is benign to you in particular not maiming or killing you but if so doing it for your own good.
‘Love is none of that. There is nothing in nature like it. Not in robins or bison or in the banging tails of your hunting dogs and not in blossoms or suckling foal. Love is divine only and difficult always. If you think it is easy you are a fool. If you think it is natural you are blind.’ “
Ever seen the American Film Institute’s list of movie quotes? Let me sum up: of the hundred, about 25 are Casablanca and Gone with the Wind. Most of the rest are from the other golden oldies that are revered by the writers of film studies textbooks; they may be well-made, but they’re also very much a reminder of how discriminatory Hollywood was in terms of race, gender, and sexual orientation. Though I give big ups for including Jaws, Psycho, and The Sixth Sense, the AFI’s selections just don’t speak to me, and if you’re on this site, perhaps they don’t speak to you, either. Though many of the movies I quote from aren’t horror, they are all delightful (the quotes, not necessarily the movies). After trying and failing to narrow down my own list to a slim ten squared, here is part nineteen. In no particular order (except the chronological order in which I wrote about these films in my movie journal).
24.) Father McFerrin (Robert Quarry), trying to fight off zombies and brandishing a cross: “May the Lord our savior turn you from your wicked ways. [Pause] You’re not turning. Look fellas, what we’ve got here is a failure to communicate. I mean, we all live in the same neighborhood, right? Is it anybody’s birthday today? Did anybody go to Notre Dame?” [By the end of the movie they’re pals and he’s singing them to sleep] (Teenage Exorcist, 1991)
If you’ve never seen this, it’s a bit obscure, but absolutely delightful
23.) Paulie (Piper Perabo), fighting internalized and externalized homophobia regarding her romantic friendship: “I’m Paulie, in love with Tori […] She is mine and I am hers and neither of us are lesbians.” (Lost and Delirious, 2001)
22.) Young-goon (Lim Soo-jung), who talks to inanimate objects, to a fellow psychiatric patient: “Lights here aren’t very friendly, are they?” (I’m a Cyborg, But That’s Okay)
21.) Tree (Jessica Rothe), referring to a repetitive moment from the first film: “What the hell are you always looking for under that desk?” (Happy Death Day 2U)
20.) Collin (Daveed Diggs), venting about narrow-minded viewpoints to a racist police officer: “I am both pictures! See both pictures!” (Blindspotting, 2018)
19.) [Vin (Bill Murray) has had a stroke, and his neighbor Maggie (Melissa McCarthy) is working on his speech with him by using flash cards] Vin: “Money.” Maggie: “No, it’s a…it’s a tree.” Vin: “You owe me money. Yeah, you broke my tree.” Maggie: “All right.” [The next card is a picture of a fence] Vin: “Yeah, you broke my fence, too.” Maggie: “Okay, what are you…planting these?” (St. Vincent, 2014)
18.) Nina (Natalie Portman), a sheltered and childlike ballerina, excited about being chosen to dance the lead: “He picked me, Mommy!” (Black Swan, 2010)
13.) [Babe (Dustin Hoffman) is holding captive a Nazi war criminal (Laurence Olivier) who has also both killed his brother and tortured him with a drill] Szell: “What are you going to do now, shoot me?” Babe: “No, I don’t think so.” Szell: “Then you’re going to take these [diamonds he stole during the Holocaust]? If I could say a word about that…” Babe: “No, you can keep them. You can keep as many as you can swallow.”(Marathon Man, 1976)
12.) After a long battle with trying to pronounce the line “Would that it were so simple” in an elegant accent, Hobie (Alden Ehrenreich) gives up: [In his natural drawl] “It’s complicated.” (Hail, Caesar!, 2016)
One of my all-time favorite Coen brother segments; “Would that it twuuuuuuuhhhhh….”
Bonus clip, love this one too
11.) [It’s the ’50s, and a Black family has just moved to an upper class white neighborhood] Beneatha (Sanaa Lathan), gleefully waving: “Howdy do, neighbors!” (A Raisin in the Sun, 2008)
That’s her, on the right of John Stamos. Not a lot of pics or clips of her from this movie, alas.
10.) Anger, who’s a sentient portion of a preteen’s head (Lewis Black): “We should lock the door and scream that curse word we know. It’s a good one!” (Inside Out, 2015)
9.) William Burke (Colman Domingo), regarding white folks’ possessiveness of Black artistry: “They love what we make, but not us.” (Candyman, 2021)
8.) Sara (Ellen Burstyn), to her son, about appearing on a game show: “I’m somebody now, Harry. Everybody likes me. Soon, millions of people will see me and they’ll all like me. I’ll tell them about you, and your father, how good he was to us. Remember? It’s a reason to get up in the morning. It’s a reason to lose weight, to fit in the red dress. It’s a reason to smile. It makes tomorrow all right.” (Requiem for a Dream, 2000)
7.)[It’s the ’80s, and Robbie is serenading his engaged crush on a plane, assisted by the flight attendants and Billy Idol, who keep her angry fiancé at bay] Billy Idol: “How you doing, sir? Chicken or fish?” Glenn (Matthew Glave): “You better get out of my way, Billy. You’re gonna get hurt.” Billy Idol: “Oh yeah?” Large Billy Idol Fan (Al Burke): “Don’t you talk to Billy Idol that way!” (The Wedding Singer, 1998)
6.) Randall: “Well, that’s the story. So if your air conditioner goes on the fritz or your washing machine blows up or your video recorder conks out; before you call the repairman, turn on all the lights, check all the closets and cupboards, look under all the beds, cause you never can tell–there just might be a gremlin in your house.” (Gremlins, 1984) [I watched this movie as a young kid, and was fine until these last lines, which scared the crap out of me. My mom asked me to plug in the blow dryer shortly afterwards, and I absolutely refused.]
5.) Milo (Bill Hader), discussing the possibility of his sister and brother-in-law Lance (Luke Wilson) having kids: “I can’t wait to be the creepy gay uncle.” Lance, cheerfully oblivious to his tone: “You’re hired!” (The Skeleton Twins, 2014)
Not that scene, but it’s my favorite favorite
4.) Roebuck (Jeffrey Wright), regarding being gay in a bygone era: “You see, people may or may not be mildly threatened by your anger, your hatred, your pride. But, love the wrong way and you will find yourself in great jeopardy.” (The French Dispatch, 2021)
3.) Violet (Sanaa Lathan), to her mother Pauletta (Lynn Whitfield): “When I was ten, we went to some company picnic for Dad at some…park…and I jumped into the pool. Do you remember that?” Pauletta: “Oh Lord…” Violet: “My hair turned into a little fist, and all the kids were laughing at me. You yanked me out of the pool, shoved me into the car, and we left.” Pauletta: “And?” Violet: “I wonder who I would be if you had just hugged me and told me I was still beautiful. ” (Nappily Ever After, 2018)
2.) Pizza Delivery Guy (Stephen King): “Hey, this is some place, huh? Is it haunted?” Emery (Matt Ross): “Yeah, by ghosts of delivery men who asked too many stupid questions and never escaped.” (Rose Red, 2002)
1.) [Hal (Eddie Marsan), a rich middle-aged white dude, is aghast that Kayla (Iola Evans), a broke Black Gen Z-er, is the protagonist of the supernatural video game they’re playing] “Aren’t guys like me allowed to be the hero anymore? In the ’80s–” Kayla: “Fuck the ’80s!” (Choose or Die, 2022)
My runner-up quote– Kayla to Lance, who has asked her what she’s worth in order to pay her for sex: [holding up a broken bottle] “Take one more step, you’ll find out what I’m worth.”
Author’s note: I have extensively relied on IMDb for help, both with dates and with some of the quotes.
Now if you’re saying, what’s horror-related about this mega-80s (to the max!) gem, it was directed by Mary Lambert, the auteur behind the original Pet Sematary as well as the watchable Pet Sematary II and Urban Legends: Bloody Mary. (We’ll not discuss the rest of her filmography.)
“To a parent, your child wasn’t just a person: your child was a place, a kind of Narnia, a vast eternal place where the present you were living and the past you remembered and the future you longed for all existed at once. You could see it every time you looked at her: layered in her face was the baby she’d been and the child she’d become and the adult she would grow up to be, and you saw them all simultaneously, like a 3-D image. It made your head spin. It was a place you could take refuge, if you knew how to get in. And each time you left it, each time your child passed out of your sight, you feared you might never be able to return to that place again.”
[Five-year-old Mel Brooks is having an argument with his mother to close the window, despite the heat, because he saw Frankenstein in the theatre and got scared] ” ‘Mel,’ she says, ‘let’s say you are right. That Frankenstein wants to come here and kill you and eat you. But let’s look at all the trouble he’s going to have to get to Brooklyn. First of all, he lives in Transylvania. That’s somewhere in Romania. That’s in Europe. And that’s a long, long ways away. So even if he decides to come here, he has to get a bus or a train or hitchhike to somewhere he can get a boat to go to America. Believe me, nobody is going to pick him up. So let’s say that he’s lucky enough to find a boat that would take him here. Okay, so he is here in New York City, but he really doesn’t know how the subways work. When he asks people they just run away! Finally, let’s say he figures out it’s not the IRT, it’s the BMT and he gets to Brooklyn. Then he’s got to figure out how to get to 365 South Third Street. Okay, it’s going to be a long walk. So let’s say he finally gets to Williamsburg and he finally finds our tenement. But remember, all the windows at 365 are going to be wide open and he’s had a long journey, so he must be very hungry. So if he has to kill and eat somebody, he probably would go through the first-floor window and eat all the Rothsteins who are living in apartment 1A. And once he’s full, there is no reason for him to go all the way up to the fifth floor and eat you.’ “
Mel Brooks, All About Me! My Remarkable Life in Show Business.
Ever seen the American Film Institute’s list of movie quotes? Let me sum up: of the hundred, about 25 are Casablanca and Gone with the Wind. Most of the rest are from the other golden oldies that are revered by the writers of film studies textbooks; they may be well-made, but they’re also very much a reminder of how discriminatory Hollywood was in terms of race, gender, and sexual orientation. Though I give big ups for including Jaws, Psycho, and The Sixth Sense, the AFI’s selections just don’t speak to me, and if you’re on this site, perhaps they don’t speak to you, either. Though many of the movies I quote from aren’t horror, they are all delightful (the quotes, not necessarily the movies). After trying and failing to narrow down my own list to a slim ten squared, here is part eighteen. In no particular order (except the chronological order in which I wrote about these films in my movie journal):
25.) Johnny (Daniel Day-Lewis), to his boyfriend: “There ain’t nothing I can say to make it up to you. There’s only things I can do to show you that I am with you.” (My Beautiful Laundrette, 1985)
24.) Karen (Rebecca Hobbs), a psychologist interviewing a serial killer: “Who are the visitors?” Simon (Paolo Rotondo): “My victims.” Karen: “Your victims? And do they all come visiting together?” Simon: “All of them.” Karen: “Is it like a big picnic?” Simon: “Don’t fucking belittle me.” Karen: “Then stop trying to bullshit me. You’re being visited by a bunch of dead corpses? And you keep killing, so there’s more of them to harass you next time.” (The Ugly, 1997)
22.) [Sol and his friends are filming a low-budget horror movie in his parents’ house] Sol’s mom (Jo Farkas): “Sol, dear, the neighbors want to know when you’re gonna stop screaming.” (Shock Value, 2014)
21.) “Can a person live without a jawbone?” “What do you think?” (Ju On: The Curse, 2000). [Not sure who says this in the movie; I didn’t write the speakers in my notes when I watched this thirteen years ago–I just found the paper in my old writing stuff.]
I don’t know…seems like she Kanna…
20.) Tony (Ralph Fiennes): “If I don’t get my money back by Monday, what I do to both your faces will definitely be Cubist!” (The Good Thief, 2002)
There’s a surprising dearth of images or clips from that scene
19.) [Dr. Loomis is on a talk show along with Weird Al Yankovic] David, the host (Chris Hardwick), to Loomis: “Now you’ve been criticized and in some circles, I gotta say outright accused, of profiteering off the misery of others–I mean, how do you even respond to that criticism?” Weird Al: “Well, you know, I think that’s completely unfounded, I always get permission when I do the parody.” (Halloween II, 2009)
18.) [Aron (James Franco) is stranded in the desert after he gets trapped under a rock, and is having a conversation with himself] Aron as talk show host: “Now is it true that despite or maybe because you’re a big fucking hard hero you didn’t tell anyone where you were going?” Aron, as himself: “Yeah, that’s absolutely correct.” Aron, as talk show host: “Anyone?” Aron, as himself: “Anyone.” Aron, as talk show host: “Oops.” (127 Hours, 2010)
17.) Dave (Chase Williamson): “Say you have an ax, just a cheap one from Home Depot. On one bitter winter day, you use said ax to behead a man. Don’t worry, the man’s already dead. Maybe you should worry, cause you’re the one who shot him. He’d been a big twitchy guy with veined skin stretched over swollen biceps, tattoo of a swastika on his tongue. And you’re chopping off his head because even with eight bullets in him, you’re pretty sure he’s about to spring back to his feet and eat the look of terror right off your face.” (John Dies at the End, 2012)
16.) Tip (Rihanna): “Pee break.” Oh (Jim Parsons): “I too needs to break pee.” (Home, 2015)
My runner up quote: “Can I come into the out now?”
15.) Louis (Aiden Longworth): “Pascal made the mistake that all men make. He thought that because Mommy is so beautiful, then she must be good.” (The 9th Life of Louis Drax, 2016)
“Science, bitch!”
14.) Gidget (Jenny Slate), pummeling Ozone (Steve Coogan) for information: “Don’t look at him! Look at me! Nobody can help you! Where…is…Max?” Ozone: “Okay, okay! He’s in the sewers! He got taken! Please, have mercy, adorable puppy dog!” (The Secret Life of Pets, 2016)
13.) Sgt. Lucas (Yasiin Bey, AKA Mos Def), to Walter (Kevin Bacon), a convicted pedophile, describing a young murder victim who was violently sexually abused: “She was so small, just broken. I saw 20-year veterans on that job. Hard guys, they just broke down and cried. I was there, I cried. There ain’t no fucking woodsmen in this world.” (The Woodsman, 2004)
12.) Steven (Dylan Baker) is trying to discreetly bury a body in his yard, when he’s loudly interrupted by his son Billy (Connor Christopher Levins): “Daddy really has to finish the gardening. So go watch Charlie Brown, and I’ll be in in a minute.” Billy: “Charlie Brown’s an asshole!” Steven: “Billy Wilkins! Language!” [Resumes burying the body] (Trick ‘r Treat, 2007)
11.) Captain Sharp (Bruce Willis): “With all due respect, you can’t let your children stab people.” (Moonrise Kingdom, 2012)
My runner up quote: “Jiminy Cricket, he flew the coop.”
10.) Hannibal (Ron Perlman) [having just forcibly extracted himself from a kaiju after being eaten by it] “Where is my goddamn shoe?” (Pacific Rim, 2013)
9.) Cam (Mark Ruffalo), to his daughters after they refuse to go boating with him: “Well, I guess I’ll just tell the Charles River to go fuck itself.” Amelia (Imogene Wolodarsky): “Well, I have heard the Charles River is a real asshole.” (Infinitely Polar Bear, 2014)
7.) John (John C. Reilly), drunkenly calling himself an ogre: “What are you doing here in the forest with Shrek?” Molly (Marisa Tomei): “I was gonna pee in the bushes, and you took my spot.” (Cyrus, 2010)
This happens shortly after–love love love this scene
6.) [Being chased by a crazed record executive] Aaron (Jonah Hill): “This is the longest hallway of all time!” Aldous (Russell Brand): “It’s Kubrickian!” (Get Him to the Greek, 2010)
5.) [It’s the 1950s, and most of the residents of a privileged neighborhood are aghast when a Black family moves in] Margaret: (Julianne Moore): “Honey, that Mayers family’s got a little boy your age up there on that porch. Why don’t you hop on over there and take him for baseball.” Nicky (Noah Jupe): “Mom, do I have to?” Rose (also Julianne Moore): “Don’t look at me.” Margaret: “Nicky! You take that little colored boy and play him some baseball.” (Suburbicon, 2017)
A resounding theme in the film is that white people are horrible
4.) Josefina (Giovanna Zacarías): “We are not in this life to be comfortable or to be satisfied.” (We Go On, 2016)
3.) Stefano (Eli Roth), directing a music video for a cheesy ’80s boy band: “I want you to look funky fresh.” (Rock of Ages, 2016)
Somehow I can’t find a clip of that scene, but this one’s my second favorite
2.) [Jody (Ashley Tisdale) and Kendra (Erica Ash) are in a cellar reading from the Necronomicon, unaware that it’s having an effect on the people in the cabin above them, causing them to become possessed, un-possessed, re-possessed, and eventually dismembered] David (Tyler Posey): “I’m gonna need a little help. I have to go to the bathroom. My penis is in the corner.” Eric (Shad Moss): “This is fucked up.” (Scary Movie 5)
1.) It’s the ’80s, and Ben (Alfred Molina), a doctor, is arguing with his brother Ned (Mark Ruffalo) about whether being gay is healthy or unhealthy and how to treat people with AIDS: “Agreeing that you were born just the same as I was born isn’t gonna save your dying friends.” Ned: “That is exactly what is going to save my dying friends!” (The Normal Heart, 2014)
That scene isn’t available to share, but Jim Parsons is adorable in this
Author’s note: I have extensively relied on IMDb for help, both with dates and with some of the quotes.
Rose (Sosie Bacon) is a therapist at an emergency psychiatric unit. Her tightly ordered world is upended when she meets a patient named Laura (Caitlin Stasey), who has visions of unholy apparitions smiling at her. Shortly after, she cuts her own throat. When Rose starts seeing the grinning specters herself (the curse is passed to someone who witnessed the afflicted person’s inevitable suicide), she realizes that Laura was not delusional.
I wish I was this happy at parties
The film is surprisingly sympathetic in its depiction of people with mental conditions. Rose, who’s facing serious trauma due to the death of her mother at a young age, is counterpointed by insensitive louts like her brother-in-law and Detective Buckley (Perry Strong), who concludes that Laura was a “head case” and “She sounds fucking crazy to me.” You could interpret the film as an allegory for mood disorders; the symptoms of being stalked by the demon sound similar to those of anxiety and depression. As Laura states, “Whenever I see it, I just get this god-awful feeling like something really terrible is going to happen.” She says, “It tells me things.” Speaking from experience, depression and anxiety can sound an awful lot like an external voice saying awful things.
Rose pre-curseRose post-curse
The damage caused by repressing internal angst is a theme throughout the movie. Rose’s sister Holly (Gillian Zinser) has seemingly moved past the horrors of their childhood unscathed and is introduced to us by blabbing about her first-world problems like having to get up at 6 AM to take her son to school and not having time for Pilates, but later she seems a bit brittle and able to snap easily. Rose meanwhile when faced with adversity ironically resorts to giving a big fake smile and asserting that she’s fine. When asked about her visions, she calmly describes them as “corporeal and unsettling.” She also tends to drink a lot of wine. Her relationship with her fiancé Trevor (Jesse T. Usher) is pretty dysfunctional. They don’t seem to spend a lot of time together or even have much chemistry. Every time Rose raises her voice or gets upset in front of him, she immediately stops herself and frantically apologizes. Eventually she blows up at him for wanting her to be perfect.
Look how tightly she holds herself in, from her hair on down
The film builds up tension expertly. The camera techniques are divine. There are lovely sideways rolling shots, upside down establishment shots, Dutch angles, and in one impressive scene, an upside down Dutch angle. The score is lightly used but eerie. I read that people complained about the jump scares, but they’re not overused, and when they do occur, they’re genuinely startling. When Rose sees an apparition of her mother (Kevin Keppy) (who will now forever be known to me as Giant Underwear Mom thanks to fellow reviewer The Devil’s DVD Bin), it’s gratifyingly creepy.
My gripes are few. The widow of the dead professor who infected Laura (Judy Reyes) is uncomfortably close to the ubiquitous horror movie cliché of the superstitious Latina character who explains what’s going on; she clunkily provides exposition about the curse: “He saw that awful woman kill herself.” It drags a bit in the middle and feels longer than it needs to be. But in the end it won me over. Check it out if you’re in the mood for something somber but entertaining and occasionally scary.
Not sure what’s more corporeal and unsettling here, the upside down head or that sweater
PS, if you’re looking for a hilariously bonkers take on the film, check out Film Miasma’s review.
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GhoulieJoe 